Did You Get the Urge to Just Shoot Something? [Verse 1] Old man Earl had a patch out back, Twelve green ladies in a fertilizer sack. He talked to every plant like an old best friend, Said, “Hold on, girls, we’ll make it to the end.” Then the rabbits came marching by the light of the moon, Chewing through the seedlings like an all-you-can-eat saloon. Earl grabbed a flashlight, stepped into the night, Yelled, “Get the hell outta here—those buds ain’t ripe!” [Chorus] Did you get the urge to just shoot something, When the whole damn forest comes chewing and running? Rabbits in the roots, deer eating everything, Now there’s two damn Bigfoots in the weed patch grinning. You can holler, throw rocks, beat a bucket and cuss, But they stare back like, “What’s the problem with us?” When you worked all year and they’re stealing your crop, Did you get the urge to make the madness stop? [Verse 2] Earl built a fence nearly eight feet tall, But the deer took one look and jumped over it all. One ate the Wedding Cake, one got the Glue, One stood there chewing like, “What you gonna do?” He tried wolf urine and a plastic owl, Recorded angry dogs and a mountain-lion growl. But the woods kept moving and the leaves kept rustling— Did you get the urge to just shoot something? [Chorus] Did you get the urge to just shoot something, When the whole damn forest comes chewing and running? Rabbits in the roots, deer eating everything, Now there’s two damn Bigfoots in the weed patch grinning. You can holler, throw rocks, beat a bucket and cuss, But they stare back like, “What’s the problem with us?” When you worked all year and they’re stealing your crop, Did you get the urge to make the madness stop? [Verse 3] Then just before sunrise Earl saw something tall, Nine feet of hair stepping over the wall. One held his best branch like a torch in the air, The other had a sack full of bud to share. Earl raised his shotgun, but before he could shout, Bigfoot sparked a joint and calmly held it out. Said, “We don’t want trouble, and we mean no harm, But your Purple Punch is famous all across the farm.” [Bridge] So they made a deal underneath the stars: Bigfoot guards the garden for a couple mason jars. The deer quit coming, every rabbit disappeared— Nothing clears a weed patch like a Sasquatch with a beard. [Final Chorus] Did you get the urge to just shoot something, When the whole damn forest comes chewing and running? Now Earl sits smiling with his feet kicked up, Bigfoot at the gate with a half-pound blunt. Sometimes the answer ain’t a gun or a trap— Sometimes you pay the monster and you both get high out back. [Outro] Before you shoot Bigfoot, See what strain he brings.
