Good afternoon, society. We gather today to discuss... ...The Afternoon Tea. The stand is a three-tiered tower of civilized ambition. Many of you approach this tower like barbarians at the gate. Grabbing a cake... whilst your sandwich remains untouched... Crumbs everywhere, tea slurped, scones scoffed. ...Shameful! There is an order. A hierarchy. We climb the mountain... from the bottom up. The Basement... the bottom tier. Finger Sandwiches.... Cucumber... Salmon... ....Egg and Cress. Eat these first. They are the savory foundation. Do not rush them. Note the lack of crusts. This represents our separation... from the savage world outside. Finish the plate. Only then... may you look up. The Mezzanine. The Middle Tier. The Scone. Warm. Fruit or Plain. This is the transitional phase. The bridge between salt... and sugar. Do not treat the scone as a sandwich! Do not slap the halves together like a bricklayer. Eat each half separately. Open faced. Back straight. With dignity. The Summit. The Top Tier. The Patisserie. The French Fancies. The Battenberg. The Eclairs. You have earned this. This is the view from the top of the mountain. Small bites. Delicate. Do not inhale the eclair. Savour the victory. Bottom. Middle. Top. Order. Structure. Reward. If you skip a step... you cheat only yourself. Don't forget your tea. Carry on.
