[Spoken] Wizards get Fireball. Clerics get Resurrection. THIS CAT gets to call people cunts. [Verse 1] Wizards study dusty tomes For twenty bloody years Learning ancient secret knowledge From old men with pointy beards THIS CAT skipped all that nonsense Found a spell that suits him best Point at some unfortunate bastard And verbally do the rest Demons... Dragons... Zombie hordes... Everyone gets it the same THIS CAT's greatest contribution To the magical arts is shame [Pre-Chorus] They call it psychic devastation Mental anguish... Arcane pain... THIS CAT calls it: "Sitting cunts down again." [Chorus] VICIOUS MOCKERY! (The greatest spell ever made!) VICIOUS MOCKERY! (No books! No rituals! No grades!) Point at some fuck wit Open your mouth And watch the light leave his eyes VICIOUS MOCKERY! Sometimes magic is just being a dick. [Verse 2] First time THIS CAT met Shane E Lee Eastwater town square fight Fat cunt waving round a staff Acting twelve feet high Claims he'll be a necromancer Master of the dead one day Can't cast half a bloody cantrip But he's trying... In his way... Now he's eating rotten zombie meat Says it fills him up with power Keeps insisting everybody try it Any day now... Any hour... [Pre-Chorus] Then he starts another argument Starts another shouting fit THIS CAT simply clears his throat And prepares to fix the shit [Chorus] VICIOUS MOCKERY! (The greatest spell ever made!) VICIOUS MOCKERY! (No books! No rituals! No grades!) Call Shane a fat fucking 'tard Watch him collapse and scream VICIOUS MOCKERY! The nearest thing this camp has got to therapy. [Verse 3 - faster] People think it's for the zombies And admittedly that's true "LOOK AT YOU, YOU ROTTING CUNT!" Works surprisingly well too "DECREPIT SACK OF FESTERING SHIT!" "YOU UGLY CUNT!" "DIE!" Sometimes THIS CAT gets creative Sometimes not. Either's fine. But Shane remains the greatest target Of this ruthless arcane art Nothing shuts this fucker up faster Than insulting him from the heart [Bridge - dramatic musical theatre] (ARCANE ASSAULT!) (PSYCHIC ANNIHILATION!) (MENTAL DESTRUCTION!) YOU FAT CUNT! (ELDRITCH TORMENT!) (MAGICAL HUMILIATION!) (CATASTROPHIC DEVASTATION!) LOOK AT THE FUCKING SIZE OF YOU! (PSYCHIC DAMAGE!) (PSYCHIC DAMAGE!) YOU SHIT HACK WANNA-BE NECROMANCER! [Spoken] There he goes. [Brief pause] Yep. Rolling around again. [Final Chorus - huge choir] VICIOUS MOCKERY! (The greatest spell ever made!) VICIOUS MOCKERY! (No books! No rituals! No grades!) When Shane starts eating corpses Or swinging sticks at random guys VICIOUS MOCKERY! The spell that keeps This Cats sanity...... alive! [Outro] (ARCANE POWER!) (ELDRITCH MIGHT!) (PSYCHIC TORMENT!) [Spoken] Shane, put the corpse down!!!!!! [End]
