It’s Christmas time again, my friends, the shops are out of stock, The turkey costs a fortune and the telly’s full of schlock, The family’s on the sofa, passive-aggressive cheer, And you’re praying that your brother won’t start politics this year! Oh, it’s Christmas! Jingle all the way! The credit card is crying but that’s festive, so they say, Oh, it’s Christmas! Let’s all pretend we’re fine, ’Cause baby Jesus loves your overdraft and cheap red wine! The Queen is gone, the King is on, he’s mumbling through his bit, The dog’s just ate the pudding and the crackers barely split, Auntie’s in the sherry, Uncle’s lost his pants again, And Grandma’s doing karaoke — “God Rest Ye Gentlemen!” Oh, it’s Christmas! Eat, drink, and overspend! We’ll argue over politics before the day will end, Oh, it’s Christmas! Let’s fake a little cheer, We’ll diet come December — of next year! Now carolers are outside, they’re singing out of tune, You toss them twenty pence and hope they leave quite soon, The lights have blown a fuse, the cat destroyed the tree, But somewhere in the madness — there’s goodwill (allegedly). Oh, it’s Christmas! Madness and delight! The same old songs and soggy socks, but somehow it feels right, Oh, it’s Christmas! Laugh before you cry, ’Cause life’s a tinsel-covered farce — So stuff your face and try.
