Jerry is Scary

[Intro] Yeah… Another man... He uh took my wife away... Now comes our divorce… I'm afraid I got no bravery… Maximum terror I feel… I pissed my pants again... [Verse 1] Afraid to say I'm gettin’ divorced today I guess my fears chased her away. My fear done scared her away now in our home I can no longer stay. My wife’s movin’ on and I'm tryin’ to keep from cryin' just gotta be strong. But the sound of her voice gives me the Willie's can't believe we lasted this long. I'm jumpy, twitchy, paranoid—tremblin’ like a leaf, Afraid of shadows, grannies teeth, and even my own grief. I Googled “How to be brave” but the results were "Don't be a bitch and drink a beer." "Oh Shit!!!" Saw a bumble bee schemin' so I ran outside screamin' at a pitch that only dogs could hear. As I creeped my way back inside mind on a safe place to hide and cry. The ex wife shook her head in shame and said it was just a fuckin' fly. Then from behind her shoulder I caught a glimpse of someone scared. And it's not just me in the mirror that haunts me so in horror I stared. [Hook] Two terrified dudes in a horrified cycle of fear. Both scared of each other and you can tell crystal clear. Shakin’ in their boots and sweat stains markin' their pits. One just pissed himself in fear while the other one shits. I can't believe two cowards of this caliber just so happen to exist. Time to cross 'watch two terrified guys fighting over their wife' off that fuckin' bucket list. [Verse 2] Now the new man—holy shit what do I do—but I think he's terrified too. He was locked in cold fear whimpering in that mirror like I always do. "This is Jerry and I guess he's a bitch ass dude too" her voice made both of us yelp. And we ran to separate closets to cry and hide beggin' Jesus to help. It seems he slipped in my favorite closet just before I scampered inside. Turnin' to see his tear and snot soaked face scared me shitless I thought I died. If the situation were different we could be friends to scared too kick it. We are traumatized by the fear in our eyes that scary sight when that Bic lit. This dude faints or just plays dead while I'm scramblin' for the door. I'm gonna have to find a new place to hide this closets not safe anymore. Slid under the bed when things got hairy I'm starting to think a monster ate Jerry. But to my surprise I looked to my side he to was tryin' to hide he must have hidden faster...damn this dudes so scary. [Hook] Two terrified dudes in a horrified cycle of fear. Both scared of each other and you can tell crystal clear. Shakin’ in their boots and sweat stains markin' both their pits. One just pissed himself in fear while the other one shits. I can't believe two cowards of this caliber just so happen to exist. Time to cross 'watch two terrified guys fighting over their wife' off that fuckin' bucket list. [Verse 3] Our wife rolled her eyes at the sight of these two pathetic guys. Then she locked us both inside and said with pride "who ever wins gets me as their prize." We ran around like two feral cats in back of an animal control truck. As I went to pivot I caught the edge of the rug and tripped oh what shitty luck. He went to dive out of the way in such a pussy ass way and we met with a smack. Our heads collided ears still ring from the crack knocked my ass flat on my back. When we came to we both screamed in sync but realised it just our reflections again. Two pussy ass lil bitch dudes if anyone is more frightened I doubt there'd ever been. [Hook] Two terrified dudes in a horrified cycle of fear. Both scared of each other and you can tell crystal clear. Shakin’ in their boots and sweat stains markin' both their pits. One just pissed himself in fear while the other one shits. I can't believe two cowards of this caliber just so happen to exist. Time to cross 'watch two terrified guys fighting over their wife' off that fuckin' bucket list. [Outro] So here we are she had to take both of us pussy ass scaredy cats. In holy matrimony one groom pisses his pants while the other one shats. To this day we hide from eachother in the same damn place. And each and every time we scream when the Bic lit up our face. It's been 3 whole years of fear since we had the same real fuckin' scary ass wife. Oh god that guy I'm so terrified thinkin about what's got him fearin for his life.