[Intro - lone clean electric guitar, room tone] [spoken, plain, unhurried] One dollar… two… three… …and fifty cents. [pause] Yeah. That should be enough. [quieter] She don't like waitin'. [Verse 1 - warm, nostalgic, completely sincere] First time I saw her, summer hung low Moon on the bayou, had nowhere to go Mama said "son don't open that door" But i did - Lord, Never seen eyes like hers before Nice little fins and a slow tail sway Said she'd been lonely, said she might stay She said the loch was cold, said the road was long, Swam a whole ocean to find where I'm from Leaned in close like true lovers do Said, "Give me love babe, - just three fiddy for you" Took the jar down from above the door Counted it exact, then counted once more Laid it in her hand, she kissed my cheek Said, "Wait right here lad" then slipped away Out through the reeds, and that was that [guitar thins out] Sat out on that porch till the light went grey Said she'd stay, but she swam away Left me broke and alone on a rainy day And i just wondered if she was okay [softer, almost an afterthought] Started fillin' up that jar again [Chorus 1 - solo voice, no backing, paranoid love-chant] Ever had one ask you for three fiddy? She looked in my eyes, oh so pretty… from Loch Ness up Big ol' lizard Comin' swayin' Sleek tail up Don't let Nessie get your money Don't let Nessie get your money If you do That's an issue Take it from a fool who paid [softer, almost to himself] …but you should've seen her, though [Verse 2 - present day, mall food court, brisker, less dreamy] Saw her again out at the mall that fall Food court corner, by the fountain wall No wave, no hi, not even a sign Blinked once - I still paid for hers and mine She just smirked, tail flick in the crowd Vanished in the fountain like a shroud Next booth over, fella with no name Big grey wings, said his truck's to blame Broke down on the highway, lil moths to feed Said he only needed help getting what they need He didn't even ask, I just said, "Okay - Three fiddy oughta get you on your way." Gave him my number so he could repay... [Chorus 2 - backing voices enter underneath] Ever had one ask you for three fiddy? She looked in my eyes, oh so pretty… from Loch Ness up Big ol' lizard Comin' swayin' Sleek tail up Don't let Nessie get your money Don't let Nessie get your money If you do That's an issue Take it from a fool who paid [solo again, backing drops out] …but you should've seen that tail, though [Verse 3 - easy, conversational, pleased with himself] Month went by, got a letter in the mail Cryptid registry, watermark pale Said, "Notice of Aquatic Claims Review" Had my full address and my last name too Took it downtown, window number three Scaly clerk in a necktie slid a form to me Said, "Standard filing, processing fee" I reached for my wallet before he could speak Put three fiddy down, exact on the tray Said, "That oughta cover it anyway" He looked at the money, then nodded polite Stamped it twice and said, "...yes sir. That's right." Signed where he pointed, thanked him for his time Walked out thinking, man, government works just fine [Bridge - everything strips to clean guitar. Close, tired, sincere] Three fiddy… oh, Nessie why? Three fiddy… don't tell me goodbye Thought you were my forever boo Oh Nessie, was it just my revenue? [pause] Girl at the diner sat down by me Said she'd seen it all before Said, "Honey, that's just what they do Ain't one of 'em paying it back to you”" [quieter, agreeing] Yeah… Yeah, I know Guess I always knew [a beat] [spoken, gentle, brightening] Hey, they got coffee here. [small laugh] …just three fifty. Let me get you one. [Final Chorus - full band, room full of voices singing the warning at him. He ad-libs over the top] Ever had one ask you for three fiddy? She looked in my eyes, oh so pretty… from Loch Ness up (from Loch Ness up!) Big ol' lizard (big ol' lizard!) Comin' swayin' Sleek tail up DON'T LET NESSIE GET YOUR MONEY (don't let Nessie get your money!) DON'T LET NESSIE GET YOUR MONEY (don't let Nessie get your money!) If you do (if you do!) That's an issue (that's an issue!) Take it from a fool who paid [crowd keeps the chant rolling, he talks over it] (Don't let Nessie get your money!) Y'all don't know her (Don't let Nessie get your money!) She had a hard year (Don't let Nessie get your money!) Anybody seen her tonight? (Don't let Nessie get your money!) I got it right here [everything drops out. one voice, alone] …but there's none like her, though [Outro – Female Voice, Voicemail effect, soft lo-fi crackle over Rhodes chords, female Voice sultry and teasing] „Hey… it’s me, Nessie. Don’t wait up, okay? Bigfoot’s got a yacht now… and, well, he gave me… three fiddy. You understand, right? Byeee…“ [Sound of splash + phone hang-up beep]
