Michael Myers [sad solo piano] [Intro Spoken] Michael Myers… From SNL star To movie star For decades, his iconic characters have inspired audiences to embrace adventure… [music becomes upbeat and celebratory] [Verse 1] You are worthy to be comfortable Even in EXXXX-TREME weather With Eddie Bauer clothing You can face it all together [pre chorus] Young, adventurous, ready to go There’s a whole wide world to see Dress for wherever you’re going And wherever that might be [chorus] When the weather gets extreme You can dress appropriately You’ll be warm and comfortable And look good simultaneously With Eddie Bauer clothing People everywhere will say— SCHWING! [Verse 2] When Austin woke to find the world had changed The sixties left behind From the swinging sixties to the 2060s Eddie Bauer keeps you looking fine [pre chorus] You don’t have to spend one million dollars To look like a million bucks When your style is timeless You’re always dressed for adventure [chorus] When it’s sunny, It can get hot In an Eddie Bauer hat You’ll look cool and stylish Eating an ice cream cone [verse 3] Donkey told Shrek that he’s layered There’s more underneath than you see And Eddie Bauer knows about layers When adventure gets chilly [pre chorus] Start with a comfortable base layer Add warmth when temperatures fall From kingdoms far, far away Eddie Bauer outfits them all [chorus] [final chorus] When adventure comes to find you You’ll be ready day or night With Eddie Bauer clothing You’ll be comfortable and…. G [music falters] [style: hardcore techno,four-on-the-floor kick, machine hi-hats, cold synths, rapid-fire rap delivery,] [bridge] Michael Myers! He’s arrived! Ready for adventure! Right on time! Call the photographer! Start the shoot! Wait a minute— Where’s his suit? He doesn’t talk He doesn’t smile He’s been standing there For quite a while Who booked Myers? Check the file! Check the contract! Check his profile! That face looks familiar— Something’s not right— Is that William Shatner mask Painted white? Ummmmmm… Wait. Wait a second. Wait a gosh darn second! You mean to tell me that… Michael Myers is not a super-formal name for Mike Myers?! Holy guacamole!! [second vocalist] “He has adventures where he needs comfortable clothing too?” [DEAD SILENCE] [music starts back up] [Outro — sad solo piano] When it rains, you get wet When it’s cold, the temperature drops When the wind blows, it gets windy Eddie Bauer…. For all sorts of adventures In all sorts of weather!
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