[epic introduction] [Verse 1] Well, I truly hate to tell you this, But we think you ought to know. We've seen a lot in daycare life, But this one stole the show. We thought your little angel Was just full of energy... Now we're checking ancient prophecies And liability. [Verse 2] At first he seemed like every kid, With crayons, blocks, and glue. He'd snack on apple slices, Just like all the others do. Then he threw a tiny tantrum, The sky began to groan... Five minutes later frogs were falling Right onto the lawn. [Pre-Chorus] We tried the "inside voices," We tried the timeout chair. But every time we disciplined him, Locusts filled the air! [Chorus] Your little bundle of joy Might be the Anti-Christ. He finger-painted pentagrams, Then asked for juice and rice. We love each child equally, We're patient, kind, and fair... But maybe Armageddon Needs a different daycare! [Verse 3] We tried to stop him shoving kids, And teach him how to share. His little eyes burst into flames, He singed the teacher's hair. He shot a laser from his face, Melted all the swings. Then politely asked if snack time Had organic onion rings. [instrumental interlude] [Verse 4] We looked away one second— He teleported twice. Returned with three confused demons Who were actually quite nice. They helped us stack the building blocks, They swept the playroom floor... But company policy says "No demons through the door." [Bridge] The exorcist declined the job, The priest called in sick. Our teachers quit by text it came in as six six six The preschool band played "Twinkle Twinkle," He answered with a choir Of ghostly children harmonizing From a ring of fire. [Final Chorus] Your little bundle of joy Might be the Anti-Christ. He turned the goldfish into dragons, Then said, "They're kind of nice." We've loved him every single day, We've honestly done our best... But when the Four Horsemen show up For afternoon pickup... [Outro] We truly think, with all respect, And absolutely no offense... You may want to consider Alternate daycare arrangements. P.S. His lunchbox is in Lost and Found. The portal to the underworld is not. [horror ending]
