DM's Pet Narration intro: Gather round the table, snacks and dice in hand We came for epic quests… got a rom-com instead Verse 1: We sat with our character sheets ready to slay But the DM’s eyes sparkled only one player’s way Her voice all dramatic like Shakespeare on fire But only one sweetheart had all her desire She rolled that plot drop like a goddess of fate But only her crush got legendary loot on plate We waited for story… nope, not today The chosen one got fifteen magic rings right away Chorus: Ohhh we’re playing DM’s Pet Where the chosen lover never breaks a sweat They get dragon mounts, castles, magic gear set While we’re dying in a goblin toilet pit — no regrets? This ain't D and D, it’s romantic roulette Welcome to the eternal saga of the DM’s Pet Verse 2: We try to sneak attack — critical fail She sneezes on a dragon — boom, looted its scales I barter for rations, DM taxes me twice She winks at a lich — free scrolls, snacks, and spice We’re sloggin’ through swamps, she’s getting spa days Magical steeds? She gets two always And I get cursed again — wow fun Thanks bestie — guess I’m the expendable one Mini-break moment: Then I got a gift — oh wow hooray Till Miss Pet squealed “MINE!” and yoinked it away Chorus: Ohhh we’re playing DM’s Pet Where the chosen lover never breaks a sweat Phoenix feather corset and enchanted war-set While I get stabbed by a shrub — how cute, I guess Fairness? Balance? Haven’t seen it yet Bow before the royal favorite — the DM’s Pet Bridge spoken over kazoo vibe: We formed a rebellion, a secret cabal But she got a sword that auto-crits on us all One more gift drop, I swear I’ll flip this tower Did she really give her girlfriend unlimited power?? Final Chorus: Ohhh we’re playing DM’s Pet Romance mode on, rules? Reset XP for kissing, flirting side-quest Meanwhile I’m rolling nat-1’s in stress Signed up for adventure — got a soap opera duet Welcome to campaign heartbreak — DM’s Pet Outro spoken: Roll for dignity …nat 1 Roll to get my gift back DM: “Denied” Player sighs and gives up
