[Upbeat frantic bluegrass banjo, fast tempo, comedic country, lawnmower pull-start SFX, chaotic energy, male comedic vocal with exaggerated southern accent] He’s got a 1982 Briggs & Stratton held together by a prayer Red-faced and cussin’ with grease in his hair He’s yankin’ on the cord like he’s startin’ a fight Skeeter’s been at it since the middle of the night He kicked the left tire, threw a wrench at a bird Then muttered somethin’ the preacher ain’t heard [Pre-Chorus – building chaos, banjo intensifies, kazoo joins in] COUSIN SKEETER’S MOWER IS A RUNAWAY TRAIN He’s got a vendetta and a cloud in his brain It’s smokin’ like a chimney, rattlin’ the gate Skeeter’s losin’ time and negotiatin’ with fate The grass is three feet high and the HOA’s callin’ But Skeeter and the Briggs are actively brawlin’ [Sound FX: mower engine coughs, sputters, then suddenly ROARS to life, crowd gasp, random goat scream] ahuehuehue hiahiahiaaaaah The engine finally caught with a pop and a flare Skeeter yelled “YEEHAW” and launched in the air But the throttle got stuck in “Maximum Chaos” gear And his Croc flew off in a panic of fear He headed for the fence, then the shed, then the hose Then did donuts through a row of decorative gnomes [Chorus – loud, chaotic, gang vocals, banjo + washboard + kazoo] OH THE ROMAS ARE GONE AND THE CHERRIES ARE TOAST Mrs. Henderson’s garden is a tomato ghost He mowed ‘em down like a red-sauce hurricane Now Skeeter’s in the dirt tryin’ to explain the stain He’s got pulp on his boots and a vine in his teeth While the mower idles menacingly underneath [Bridge – spoken word chaos, megaphone distortion, accordion joins] [random chicken clucking rhythmically] Spittin’ Billy’s in the corner just eatin’ a leaf Noddin’ like a judge of agricultural grief [Instrumental break – banjo solo battle vs kazoo, slide whistle chaos, duck quack percussion] The Briggs finally died with a wheeze and a clank Skeeter stared deeply at the Diet-O tank The flamingos are judging, the neighbor is cryin’ A raccoon stole his hat and immediately went flyin’ There’s marinara footprints leading straight to the road And Skeeter just whispers “I regret this mode…” [Final Chorus – louder, more absurd, full band, clapping, crowd yelling] OH THE ROMAS ARE GONE AND THE CHERRIES ARE TOAST Mrs. Henderson’s garden is a tomato ghost He mowed ‘em down like a red-sauce hurricane Now Skeeter’s legally banned from operating terrain Yeah he’s the Shady Oaks legend of salad-bar slaughter Someone get that man a beer or lukewarm water [Outro – slowing down, banjo fading, distant mower sputter, eerie comedic vibe] [huehuehue laughter echo] [distant mower sputtering away into the void] [random goose honk] Ooooooh yeaaaaaah, aheuhuehuehuehueeeeeeeeeeee
