Why does it burn when I pee?

[Bright 1950s educational music] [TIMMY] Um, Mister Johnson? [MISTER JOHNSON] Yes, Timmy? [TIMMY] Why does it burn when I pee? [Music stops] [MISTER JOHNSON] … Well! That’s a very important question, Timmy! [Music resumes, much too cheerfully] ♪ Why does it burn when I pee? ♪ ♪ Why does it sting when I go? ♪ ♪ Is it something I ate at lunch? ♪ ♪ Or something I ought to know? ♪ Now, Timmy, there are lots of reasons A young fellow might feel discomfort. Maybe you haven’t had enough water. Maybe you used the wrong soap. Maybe you’ve been holding it in. [TIMMY] Since Tuesday. [MISTER JOHNSON] Good heavens. ♪ When nature calls, you answer! ♪ ♪ Don’t make nature call twice! ♪ ♪ Nature can get unpleasant ♪ ♪ And nature is rarely nice! ♪ [TIMMY] So I’m okay? [MISTER JOHNSON] I didn’t say that. [TIMMY] Oh. [MISTER JOHNSON] Now let’s ask a few simple questions. Any fever? [TIMMY] No. [MISTER JOHNSON] Any stomach pain? [TIMMY] No. [MISTER JOHNSON] Any unusual color? [TIMMY] Define unusual. [Music stops] [MISTER JOHNSON] … Let’s move on. [Music] ♪ Why does it burn when I pee? ♪ ♪ That’s what we’re learning today! ♪ ♪ Don’t guess! Don’t panic! Don’t ask your cousin! ♪ ♪ Go see a doctor right away! ♪ And remember, children: Your body has lots of ways of telling you something’s wrong. Pain is one of them. Swelling is another. And if smoke comes out— [TIMMY] Smoke? [MISTER JOHNSON] We’ll cover that next semester. [TIMMY] Mister Johnson? [MISTER JOHNSON] Yes, Timmy? [TIMMY] It’s getting worse. [MISTER JOHNSON] Class dismissed. [CHAIRS SCRAPE VIOLENTLY] [CHOIR — JOYOUSLY] ♪ WHY DOES IT BURN WHEN I PEE? ♪ ♪ ASK A QUALIFIED PROFESSIONAL! ♪ ♪ WHY DOES IT BURN WHEN I PEE? ♪ ♪ DON’T ASK MISTER JOHNSON! ♪ [MISTER JOHNSON, distant] I teach geography! [Big cheerful orchestral finish]