[Intro – spoken] Whoa—HEY! Why’s the sand… moving? Who ordered the angry scuttlers this early in the morning?! [SFX: tiny crab feet scuttling, cartoon boing, beach ambience] [Verse 1] I’m chillin’ on the beach with a cooler full of snacks, When the sand starts bubbling up like tiny ticking cracks. Out pops a crab with sunglasses—looking mean, Points a claw at me like, “Buddy, this beach ain’t clean!” I’m backing up slow, dropping nachos everywhere, Then a dozen more appear—like they’re rising from a lair! I whisper, “Please don’t pinch,” but they shout “TOO LATE!” And suddenly I’m doing a shuffle that I did not create. [Instrumental Break 1 – surf-rock] [GUITAR: surf tremolo riff] [DRUMS: beachy tom rolls] [SFX: cartoon pinch snaps, coconuts clacking] [Chorus] Crab Invasion! Do the Shoreline Shuffle, keep your toes off the ground! Crab Invasion! Wave your arms like crazy while you hop around! Crab Invasion! If you feel a little pinch, well that’s part of the groove— Just wiggle real fast, keep your dignity (or not), and move! [Verse 2] They formed a little conga line, scootin’ down the shore, One grabbed my flip-flop, now I only got one more. Another crab is drumming on a bucket in a trance— Honestly? Pretty catchy. I might join their dance. Tourists start screaming, lifeguard’s blowing his whistle, One crab’s chewing sunscreen like it’s barbecue gristle. A big one climbs atop a cooler throne like a king, Says, “ALL HAIL THE CLAW!” … I didn’t know crabs sing. [Instrumental Break 2 – comic mayhem] [BASS: bouncy slap groove] [PERCUSSION: sand shakers, bucket drums] [SFX: seagulls laughing, crab army marching, cartoon slide whistle] [Chorus] Crab Invasion! Do the Shoreline Shuffle when the claws come out! Crab Invasion! If you hear a click-clack, better twist and shout! Crab Invasion! When the beach gets rowdy and the pinch patrol arrives— You gotta dance for your life if you wanna survive! [Bridge] Left foot up—don’t let ’em grab ya! Right foot slide—crabs closing in! Shuffle to the seaweed, dodge the king crab, NOW SPIN—SPIN—SPIN! I said “Hey, guys, can we negotiate?” They just stared with that sideways gait… Then one crab shrugged and said, “Fine—give us the cooler.” …Deal. [SFX: dramatic crab choir, pinch snap echo, goofy doom drums] [Instrumental Break 3 – finale jam] [GUITAR: high-energy surf solo] [DRUMS: frantic beach rock beat] [SFX: giant crab stomp, soda can crunch, tropical bird chaos] [Final Chorus] Crab Invasion! Everybody shuffle ‘cause the crabs don’t play! Crab Invasion! Doing funky little dances on a sunny day! Crab Invasion! If you hear the scuttle beat, don’t freeze and stare— Grab a buddy, shuffle silly, CRABS EVERYWHERE! [Outro – spoken] Alright… they took my chips… my cooler… …AND my last flip-flop. But honestly? That was the best cardio I’ve had in years. [SFX: crabs cheering, kazoo victory fanfare]
