Lactose Intolerant Santa

Celebration, humorous, Christmas Classic, medium tempo, Gospel, R&B, Glossolalia, Choir Background, Electric Violin, Piano, sleigh bells, church bells

V3.5

Author Notes:
After many years of delivering children's presents Santa's physician informs him that he is now lactose intolerant.  As a Christmas team player, the last thing Santa wants to do is let down children leaving him milk and cookies.  But his best intentions take a turn for the worst.

[HOLIDAY INTRO]
Ho, ho, ho, I’ve got a story to tell,
About a jolly old man who’s feeling unwell.
In a world of milk and cookies, this journey gets wild,
Santa’s got a new ailment, and it’s getting him riled.
Ho! Ho! Ho!

[DIAGNOSIS VERSE 1]
Welcome to the North Pole, where elves love to play.
It's that time of year again, yup. Tis the Season!
But Santa's got a secret, that's about to ruin his day.
He is with his Doctor now, let's find out the reason.
[Doctor]Santa, I am afraid good sir, the prognosis is looking bleak.
[Doctor]Unless you stop drinking milk, you may need to turn the other cheek.
[Santa] Heavy weighs my heart and belt line, more than havoc this will wreak.

[Power Chorus]
Doctor said, “Santa, you’ve got to be strong,”
But how can he resist, when the night is so long?
He's the king of Christmas, but his stomach's in distress.
Lactose intolerance, is making him feel like a mess.
He does it for the kids, eats cookies and milk with flair.
But his stomach is protesting, with tons of toxic air. (woooooweeeeee!)

[UNCOMFORTABLE VERSE 2]
Santa's delivering presents, to millions of homes so bright,
Devouring cookies and drinking milk, as his stomach begins to fight,
Always wary of disappointing, the children's holiday delight,
He forces down each glass of dairy, while struggling to remain upright,
With every stop the cramps increase, as another glass he consumes,
All the while his bottom screams for release, ahead of impending fumes.

[PYROTECHNIC OUTRO]
Last house on his list, gifts dropped with gentle grace,
But as he swiftly spun ‘round, knowing grimace on his face, (Brrrrrtttttt!)
A thunderous fart erupts, lighting the room up like a flame,
Fireball happily dancing, singeing mantle garland, what a shame!
A Merry Christmas to all, muttered the chuckling jolly ole champ,
Next year will be a dairy-free, lest we light up another lamp!

[END]

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