[Spoken Intro] In the beginning, God created humanity. There were several available configurations: Obedient. Predictable. Mostly harmless. And... Free Will. Humanity selected Free Will. Management would later receive a surprising number of complaints about this feature. [Verse 1] God said, "Here's a world to live in Here's some water, here's some land Here's a brain to think things over Here's the freedom to decide" Man said, "Excellent, we'll take it We can finally choose our way" Then approximately five minutes later chose the one tree marked: "Please stay away." [Spoken] An early indication of future performance. [Verse 2] Cain looked over at his brother Thought, "He's doing rather well" Jealousy became resentment And you know how that one fell God said, "You can master anger You don't have to let it win" Cain considered both his options and selected... murder. Again. [Chorus] You asked for free will You wanted the choice You wanted your freedom You wanted your voice Then somebody cheats And somebody steals And somebody asks, "God, why'd You allow this?" Well... You asked for free will. [Verse 3] We wanted kings We wanted kingdoms We wanted borders, flags and thrones We wanted armies We wanted conquest We wanted everybody else's homes We wanted markets We wanted fortunes We wanted everything on sale Then looked toward heaven quite sincerely: "How could You possibly let humans fail?" [Spoken Interlude] At this point the celestial customer-service department would like to remind you: Free will permits other humans to have free will too. Yes. Even the ones you disagree with. Especially inconvenient, isn't it? [Chorus] You asked for free will You wanted control You wanted the steering wheel You wanted the road Then somebody crashes And everyone kneels "Why didn't You stop him?" ... You asked for free will. [Verse 4] "God, stop the tyrants!" "Certainly. Should I remove their free will?" "Well... theirs, yes." "Anyone else's?" "Criminals." "Anything more?" "People who disagree with me." "Ah." "And possibly my neighbor who keeps parking near my driveway." Right. So what you actually wanted was free will... with administrator privileges. [Bridge] If every fist were stopped in motion Every lie erased from mind Every selfish inclination Overwritten every time Every cruel decision cancelled Before consequence was real Would we still be human beings? Or machines that only kneel? Maybe freedom isn't freedom If you're only free to choose The choices someone else approves of with no possibility to lose. [Verse 5] So we built ourselves casinos Knowing people lose their pay Made the food deliberately tempting Then blamed appetite all day Built machines to hold attention Engineered to never end Then spent six hours scrolling through them asking God where our time went. [Chorus] You asked for free will You wanted the choice Then built an algorithm to replace your inner voice It tells you what to purchase It tells you how to feel And somehow now the algorithm has more control than I ever did. [Spoken] This was... not the intended solution. [Verse 6] Maybe freedom wasn't promised As a guarantee of good Maybe choice means consequences which seems reasonably understood You can love because you choose it You can give because you care And kindness actually means something because cruelty was also there. Maybe that's the strange arrangement Maybe that's the price we pay A world where love can freely happen needs the freedom to walk away. [Final Chorus] You asked for free will You wanted your say You wanted the right to choose your own way To love or abandon To build or destroy To chase after wisdom Or purchase another toy Then when everything's broken And nobody knows why We collectively turn and look toward the sky: "Someone should really do something about this!" ... Yes. Someone probably should. [Outro] God looked down upon humanity. Eight billion people. Eight billion wills. All demanding freedom. All requesting intervention. Preferably... for everyone else. And somewhere in heaven a small sign appeared: FREE WILL SUPPORT DESK Current wait time: approximately eternity. [Spoken] Please remain on Earth. Your choices are important to us.
