[Spoken] (Shhh... you hear that?) Nah, that's the room. The room doesn't knock twice, man. [Verse 1] Three in the morning at a motel off Route Nine, Black sedan idling, been there since '99. Landlord says the tenant never comes around, Pays twelve months cash, never makes a sound. Got a velvet coat and a two-thousand-dollar grin, Says he's thirty-two, been thirty-two since Berlin. Keeps the curtains closed, says the sunlight hurts his eyes, Got a fridge full of O-negative and a stack of alibis. His neighbor's got a dog that won't go near his door, His houseplants died sometime in '84. He says he's got a condition, something rare in the blood, But the dentist quit his practice when he saw his gums. (That's probably not covered by insurance.) [Chorus] BITE, BITE, BABY, HERE WE GO! DON'T PAY TAXES, DON'T GET OLD! SLEEP ALL DAY, HIT THE TOWN, SOMEBODY'S GOTTA TURN YOU DOWN! OH-OH, THE SUN'S COMING UP! BETTER FIND A BOX, BETTER CLOSE THAT SHUT! LIVING forever sounds pretty damn sweet, 'TIL YOU'RE EATING COLD SOUP IN A CEMETERY! [Verse 2] He met a girl at a bar last week, Said, "You're the only one who makes me feel unique." She said, "You said that last Thursday night." He said, "That was my brother." She said, "Right." He's got no reflection, but he takes good pics, Uses someone else's face on his dating app clicks. His credit score's immortal, his rent's overdue, And his landlord's got a wooden stake and a lease renewal. He can't enter your house without permission, But he'll wait outside all night with a salesman's disposition. "Won't you let me in? I've got flowers and wine." "You're standing on my porch at a quarter past nine." He says, "I'm cursed." She says, "Get a job." He says, "I'm a count." She says, "Then count your odds." He flashes them fangs like he's king of the scene, She sprays him with a garden hose. (He's never been so clean.) [Spoken] Being immortal sounds glamorous... Until you've watched every season of a show and the next season takes forty years to come out. (And they canceled it.) [Instrumental—10s] [Verse 3] Now the whole damn coven meets down at the crypt, One's got a day job, one's got a mortgage to flip. One's a vegan, won't drink blood from a vein, He orders beet juice and complains about the taste. One got turned in the middle of the plague, Still tells the same story at every damn wake. One's got a cape that got caught in a fan, Been spinning round the ballroom since the Reagan administration began. They argue 'bout garlic, they argue 'bout stakes, They argue about whether a bat has what it takes. The oldest one stands up, says, "I've seen empires fall." Then trips on his cape and puts a hole in the wall. (That's coming out of your coffin deposit!) [Bridge] You can live forever. You can never age. You can own a castle... But you still gotta clean the cage. No heartbeat. No pension. No weekends away. And every single morning you gotta hide from the day! [Breakdown] WHO'S GOT THE BLOOD? (NOT ME!) WHO'S GOT THE KEYS? (NOT ME!) WHO'S BEEN ALIVE SINCE 1433? (THAT GUY!) WHO'S GOT A DATE? (NOT ME!) WHO'S GOT A PLAN? (NOT ME!) WHO'S BEEN SINGLE SINCE THE BLACK DEATH? (THAT MAN!) [Final Chorus] BITE, BITE, BABY, HERE WE GO! DON'T PAY TAXES, DON'T GET OLD! SLEEP ALL DAY, HIT THE TOWN, SOMEBODY'S GOTTA TURN YOU DOWN! OH-OH, THE SUN'S COMING UP! BETTER FIND A BOX, BETTER CLOSE THAT SHUT! LIVING FOREVER sounds pretty damn sweet, 'TIL YOU'RE EATING COLD SOUP IN A CEMETERY! (ONE MORE NIGHT!) BITE, BITE, BABY, WHAT A LIFE! NO REFLECTION, NO EX-WIFE! NO MORE AGING, NO MORE GRAY— [Sudden stop] But the Wi-Fi bill still comes every day. [Outro: Spoken] (Shhh...) The landlord's here. Tell him I'm dead. (You are dead.) ...Tell him I'm more dead.
