..." [Verse 1] athlete's foot? oh, snap- you pissed on a witch's favorite tree, huh,? Now the curse climbed up your ankle, plain as any man can see. Toe went green? That's forest vengeance. Blisters? Spirits getting mean. Take your boot off, bite this onion—I've diagnosed the whole damn thing. (oh, yeah!) [Pre-Chorus] medieval doctor, coming through! I'm twice as smart as any of you! now, step right back, I know what to do! (move it!) [Chorus] oh, wait...I know! LEECHES, BABY! LEECHES! got a jar full, it's gonna be awful, but my prescription is...LEECHES! LEECHHES, BITCHES!! LLLLLLEEEEEEECCCCHHHHHES! [Verse 2] Headache pounding? That's the moonlight nesting somewhere in your skull. Could be demons. Could be vapors. Could be Saturn acting dull. Either way, I've drawn a diagram and blamed it on your mood. Hold still while I bleed you out and fix your attitude. [Pre-Chorus] medieval doctor, coming through! I'm twice as smart as any of you! now, step right back, I know what to do! (outta my way) [Chorus] oh, wait...I know! LEECHES, BABY! LEECHES! got a jar full, it's gonna be awful, but my prescription is...LEECHES! LEECHHES, BITCHES!! Toothache? Little goblin living in your molar, chewing bone. Started when you ate on Sunday without thanking heaven's throne. We'll smoke him out with vinegar, then smack you with a shoe. If the pain survives the treatment, that's a problem caused by you. [Verse 4] Fever? That's your humors fighting. Too much yellow, not enough black. Maybe someone sneezed near a raven and the evil rode your back. You look pale, your pulse is racing, now your vision's getting dim— good news, friend, I brought the bucket. Time to drain that sin. [Bridge] Coughing? Bad air. Rash? Bad prayer. Broken heart? Too much despair. Stomach hurts? Comet passed. Feeling weak? You ate too fast. This shit is basic, guys. fuckin' Bush league! [Pre-Chorus] medieval doctor, coming through! I'm twice as smart as any of you! now, step right back, I know what to do! (the shit I have to deal with) [Final Chorus] oh, wait...I know! oh, wait...I know! LEECHES, BABY! LEECHES! got a jar full, it's gonna be awful, but my prescription is...LEECHES! LEECHHES, BITCHES!! LLLLLLEEEEEEECCCCHHHHHES! WHHHHOOOOOO-HOOOOO! [Outro] Patient's cold. Patient's pale. Patient somehow did not prevail. "NEXT!" Bring me the jar.
