[Verse 1] I put a black bowl on the table Fill it with water and a nail Drop my old name in the bottom Watch it shiver, watch it pale Salt line under the window Red thread round my wrist Three dead matches in a saucer One for every almost-kiss I have spent too long in pieces Left myself in other rooms Fed my pulse to empty places Called the hunger proof Tonight I do not beg the stars Tonight I do not ask for help I light the candle with my teeth And I summon myself [Pre-Chorus] Back from the mouth that kept me Back from the hand that shook Back from the mirror’s bad weather Back from the unwritten book I say my name like iron I say it till it rings Something moves under the floorboards Something remembers wings [Chorus] I summon myself Bone smoke, blood bell Out of the spell that held me Out of the almost-hell I summon myself Ash tongue, bright nerve I am not the thing I gave away I am the one who returns I summon myself From every place I knelt I am trying to let you go So I come back to myself [Verse 2] There’s a moth inside the lampshade Beating scripture into dust There’s a moon caught in the kettle Boiling silver into rust I take the cup I saved for you And fill it up with smoke Let it sit there on the counter Till the wanting starts to choke Not dead, no, something meaner Not healed, no, something true A boy with dirt under his halo And a heart he did not lose I draw the circle wider Step through without permission If grief is a little god Tonight I make it listen [Pre-Chorus] Back from the chair left waiting Back from the unsent line Back from the soft little altar I built for borrowed time I say my name like thunder I say it till it splits Something wakes inside the walls And I am part of it [Chorus] I summon myself Bone smoke, blood bell Out of the spell that held me Out of the almost-hell I summon myself Ash tongue, bright nerve I am not the thing I gave away I am the one who returns I summon myself From every place I knelt I am trying to let you go So I come back to myself [Bridge] I cut the thread with kitchen scissors I bury the key in salt I kiss the mirror once for mercy Then tell it this was not my fault I give the ache its little plate I give the dark its due But I do not give my body One more inch of me to you Come back, hands Come back, hunger Come back, voice that learned to crawl Come back, stupid little future Come back, boy beneath it all Come back laughing Come back ugly Come back with your curse half-lit Come back wrong if you have to But come back out of it [Final Chorus] I summon myself Bone smoke, blood bell Out of the spell that held me Out of the almost-hell I summon myself Ash tongue, bright nerve I am not the thing I gave away I am the one who returns I summon myself No clean dawn, no help I am trying to let you go So I come back to myself [Outro] The black bowl cracks on the table The candle gutters, then bends I hear my name in my own mouth And answer it again
