Isekai WTF

[upbeat instrumental] [Intro] Landed ass-first in a timeline screw-up, Surrounded by squirrels and one pissed-off pup. My visor’s fogged, and I’m seeing red, And a fuckin’ goose just bit my head! [Verse 1] A goat in sunglasses screamed “HIDE IN CAVES!!” While juggling knives and microwave graves, Then a hedgehog monk threw salt in the air And yelled “Begone, Metallic Nightmare!” [Pre-Chorus] Fuck your logic, fuck this wood. Fuck that wizard in his glitter hood. He summoned smoke that smelled like ass. And declared me king of the Badger Class. [Chorus] What the fuck is even happening here?! A raccoon just swore allegiance to my rear, They knighted me with a goddamn spoon. And the bard’s singing love songs to the moon, Every law is written in piggy farts, And the mayor’s a shrimp who sells Pop-Tarts. [Verse 2] I tried diplomacy—they threw cheese, I said “I’m from space”—they formed a jury of bees. A duck in chain-mail spat on my boot, And the court jester danced while flipping the loot. [Pre-Chorus] Fuck your scrolls, fuck your chants! Fuck that frog with sentient pants! I came for patrol, got a sitcom instead, Now I eat magic worms and sleep on bread! [Chorus] What the fuck is even happening now?! They built me a throne from a lactose cow, They pray to a sock and fear the rain, And my translator says “they’re all insane!” I asked for help, they started a dance, Now I command ducks in underpants. [Bridge] Yo, my systems fried, the beacon’s toast! The laws of physics? A fucking joke! Time sneezed, fate puked, now I'm stuck, Leading cults of squirrels who scream “Yuck!” [Chorus] What the fuck is even happening here?! A unicorn just stole my last beer, The badgers want blood and interpretive mime. While I plot escape with a sentient slime, Fuck it all, pass me the wand! I’m summoning Taco Bell from beyond! [Outro, Spoken Word, Exhausted Tone] This ain't a mission, this is a goddamn fever dream... [End]