The knights who say Ni!

[Shrill scream "Ni! Ni! Ni!"] (Verse 1) Oh I went to the woods for a pint and a stroll, When I heard a strange sound from a dark little knoll, A shout pierced the air like a banshee on tea— A terrible cry that went, “Ni! Ni! Ni!” (Chorus) So raise up your glass, me brave lads and me lasses, And toast to the knights who shout nonsense in passes! They don’t want your money, your gold, or your sheep, Just a nice little shrubbery—tidy and cheap! (Verse 2) They stood in a line in their helmets and capes, Like druids who’d overdosed thrice on the grapes, They pointed at me with a finger of doom, And chanted that syllable shaking the room! (Chorus) So raise up your pint and don’t tremble with fear, Just offer a shrub and they’ll give you a cheer! But beware if you mutter the word that they hate— It starts with a “K” and it rhymes with it’s late! (Verse 3) Sir Robin he ran, and King Arthur turned pale, When the Knights of the “Ni!” began telling their tale, They once were accountants, but cursed by a hag, Now they yell random vowels and demand a new flag! (Bridge – Slow and Dramatic) Oh they once loved a girl who was fair and divine, But she left them for monks and a jug of red wine, Now they lurk in the glade with their swords and their snark, And shout “Ni!” at the moon just to lighten the dark! (Chorus – Big and Rowdy) So raise up your whiskey, your Guinness, your brew, To the knights who say “Ni!” and the shrub-seeking crew! May your hedges be trimmed and your gardens grow free, Or ye’ll be tormented by Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! (Final Verse – All Together Now) So next time you wander where forests are deep, And you hear a strange cry that would wake up the sheep, Just carry a shrub, and don’t ask them why— Or you’ll never escape with your coconuts dry! (Final Chorus – Stomping Finish) So clink all your mugs and sing loud, if you please, To the Knights Who Say “Ni!” and their leafy decrees! Let’s drink to the madness, the shrub, and the lore, And beware of the day they learn how to roar!