Special Episode: That aint no Fox

Long before: Whisky Business Long before: Open Mic Nights And long before, Unbreakable K became Coconut City's most dangerous eighteen-year-old squirrel on roller skates There was a problem. A government problem. The worst kind. Young K had been living with the Foxx family for nearly a year. Nobody knew where she came from. Nobody knew where her parents were. Nobody even knew her real last name. All anyone knew was: Fiona found her crying inside a dumpster behind: Rocco's Pizzeria and refused to leave without her. For almost a year, Rocco and Rizzo Foxx searched all across: Sunfall Coast looking for answers. Missing person reports. School records. Town registries. Nothing. Nobody was looking for her. Nobody knew who she was. It was like she'd appeared out of thin air. Then kindergarten enrollment arrived. Which immediately created a new problem. The school secretary adjusted her glasses. "Birth certificate?" Silence. "Medical records?" Silence. "Guardian paperwork?" More silence. Young Fiona slowly looked at Rocco. Rocco slowly looked at Rizzo. Rizzo slowly looked at the ceiling. The secretary smiled politely. "We may need to contact Family Services." Young Fiona immediately stood up. "No." The room froze. "No?" asked the secretary. Fiona crossed her arms. "If she goes, I go." "Fiona—" "Nope." "Sweetheart—" "Nope." "You don't understand—" "I do." The secretary looked increasingly concerned. Young K quietly hid behind Fiona's chair. Fiona pointed dramatically. "She's my sister." K nodded. Nobody had actually discussed this. Apparently Fiona had already made the decision. The drive home was quiet. That evening, Rocco sat at the kitchen table. Head in hands. Rizzo sighed. "We'll figure something out." Whisky Sixx leaned back in his chair. Thinking, Dangerous. Then his eyes narrowed. "Oh no." said Rizzo immediately. "What?" "You had an idea." "I got a guy." "Absolutely not." "I got a guy." "WHISKY!" But it was already too late. The next morning they found themselves on a nearly empty stretch of beach. Waiting for: Che Rams. Che arrived twenty minutes late. Barefoot. Carrying a ukulele. Wearing three different necklaces made of things nobody could identify. He listened carefully. Very carefully. Then stared out toward the ocean. Silence. A minute passed. Then five. Then ten. Then twenty. Nobody knew if he was thinking. Sleeping. Meditating. Or dead. Finally he spoke. "I understand." Rocco sighed with relief. "Good." Che pointed at him. "First problem." "What problem?" "You're not a fox." Silence. "What?" asked Rocco. Che pointed directly at his face. "You." Then Fiona. "You." Then Rizzo. "You." Then K. "You especially." Nobody understood. Che took a thoughtful puff from his long ornate pipe. "None of you are foxes." Rocco blinked. "We literally are." Che shook his head sadly. Like a teacher correcting a student. "No." "Che." "No." "Che." "No." "CHE!" Che pointed toward the ocean. "The waves don't call themselves waves, man." Nobody knew what that meant. Including Che. Then he pointed toward K. "And THAT ain't no fox." Young K looked up from her juice box. "...I'm not?" Che crouched dramatically. "No little dude." He nodded confidently. "You're clearly a Thumperian rabbit." Everyone stared. K was very obviously a squirrel. Even by squirrel standards. Fiona looked at K. Then at Che. Then at K again. "She's literally fluffy." "Lots of rabbits are fluffy." "She has a squirrel tail." "Allegedly." "What does that even mean?!" Che ignored her completely. Then reached into a weathered canvas bag. And produced paperwork. A lot of paperwork. Official paperwork. Stamped paperwork. Government paperwork. The exact paperwork they needed. Everyone froze. Rocco slowly took the stack. His eyes widened. "How in the hell did you get these?" Che shrugged. "The universe provides my dude." "That's not an answer." "It never is." Rocco examined the forms. Everything looked legitimate. Official seals. Official signatures. Official registration numbers. Then he stopped. "...Che." "Hmm?" "You filled them out." "Yep." "...Che." "Hmm?" "The last name." "What about it?" Rocco pointed. Kaitlin O'Hare Silence. Rocco stared. Rizzo stared. Whisky stared. Fiona stared. K slowly looked up. "My name is O'Hare?" Che nodded proudly. "You're welcome." "WHY IS IT O'HARE?" shouted Rocco. Che looked confused. "Because she's a rabbit." "SHE'S NOT A RABBIT.!" Che looked toward K. Looked toward Rocco. Looked toward the ocean. Then sighed. "You gotta stop getting caught up in labels, man." Rocco looked moments away from committing a felony. "CHE." Che raised one hand. Stopping him. Then smiled. The same maddening smile he'd worn for years. "Family is more than just a name, my dude." Silence. Nobody had a comeback for that. Mostly because they were too confused.