[[Verse 1] I see no reason, none at all, Why women ought to stop at six feet tall. Make 'em fifty, run the math— The savings cut the budget in half! Need a crane? Need a lift? Need to move some heavy shit? Power lines, bridges, hauling freight— The numbers say this would be great! [Chorus] FIFTY-FOOT AHM-A-ZON WOMEN! WHY THE HELL SHOULDN'T WE HAVE 'EM? FIFTY-FOOT AHM-A-ZON WOMEN! I'VE GOT THE DATA TO BACK IT UP! Charts and graphs! Rows and sheets! Cost per hour can't be beat! If you look at these spreadsheets here— The benefits are crystal clear! [Verse 2] Cat in a tree? She gets the cat. Truck in a ditch? She handles that. Construction costs are down by three— Point seven percent, approximately. [spoken] and that's just the raw data Need a rooftop HVAC unit? She can just reach up and do it. No scaffolding, no cherry picker— Projects finish fifty percent quicker! [spoken] Actually, that's conservative. [Verse 3] Storm rolls through and drops a tree? One big shove and the highway's free. Cargo needs to cross the yard? Turns out forklifts aren't that hard. Water tower needs repair? Guess who's already standing there? Every graph keeps pointing north— I rest my case. Bring giants forth. [Bridge] “Why are they so muscular?” Load capacity. “Why are they all wearing leather?” Workplace safety. “Why are they so hot?” Irrelevant! Please stay focused on the data. “Why do you have seventeen slides about thighs?” Those are supplementary materials. [Breakdown] Crane rental? ELIMINATED! Bucket truck? REDUCED! Labor hours? OPTIMIZED! Fifty-foot women? ECONOMICALLY JUSTIFIED! [Final Chorus] FIFTY-FOOT AHM-A-ZON WOMEN! WHY THE HELL SHOULDN'T WE HAVE 'EM? FIFTY-FOOT AHM-A-ZON WOMEN! THE SPREADSHEETS SAY WE NEED 'EM! Power lines! Heavy loads! Pick up trucks and fix the roads! This isn't fantasy— IT'S FISCAL RESPONSIBILITY! [spoken] Page four. Look at the projections. [spoken, quieter] they're quite...impressive.
