Breaking, Badly (The Grand Tour S02E09)

Staffan JJK Winterdahl blåljus i samverkan

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[Intro]
(Fast accordion playing a nautical sea-shanty melody, suddenly crushed by a heavy distorted rock guitar riff and pounding drums)

[Verse 1]
The Cotswolds tent is buzzing under Britain’s winter grey
The permanent studio is ready for the play today
Jeremy steps onto the stage with a very wicked smile
Ready to take the motoring show across the water mile

[Verse 2]
But first we hit the Eboladrome where the asphalt is so wet
To test a British super-saloon that you will not forget
The Jaguar XE SV Project 8 is screaming out in grey
Six hundred horsepower ready for the track today

[Verse 3]
It has a massive rear wing, a supercharged V8
It slides around the corners and it flies along the straight
It sets a blazing lap time on the leader-board wall
The fastest four-door sedan that can easily rule them all

[Verse 4]
[Music shifts to a bouncy nautical rock rhythm]
Now the main challenge starts upon a very liquid floor
They want to break a record near the rocky English shore
The British speed record for amphibious design
To drive across the open water on a racing line

[Verse 5]
They take an old Bond Bug, a fiberglass design in bright
An orange three-wheeled microcar that is incredibly light
They strip the engine out and put a jetski motor inside
With a massive water jet to conquer every single tide

[Verse 6]
Richard Hammond is the engineer, he welds the metal tight
While James May checks the electronics in the morning light
But Jeremy is skeptical, he thinks the car will drown
And turn into the ugliest anchor in the local town

[Verse 7]
They head to Coniston Water where the mountain shadows gleam
To launch the orange monster and achieve the record dream
The first time in the water, things go wrong completely fast
The back end starts to sink and cannot make the engine last

[Verse 8]
The water’s pouring inside through the gaps in the shell
The Bond Bug is transforming into an aquatic hell
Jeremy is shouting as the lake hits his old knees
While Richard tries to pump it out against the winter breeze

[Verse 9]
They take it back into the shed to fix the leaky floor
They add some massive foam blocks right outside the cabin door
The second launch is better, the jet begins to spray
The orange car is moving in a very funny way

[Verse 10]
It lifts up on the water, it starts to hydroplane
But steering is impossible and causing heavy pain
It spins around in circles, throwing water in the sky
While three presenters scream and pray they do not bloody die

[Verse 11]
Then James May tries to drive it for the official timing run
But the engine catches fire, ruining the local fun
The smoke is thick and black beneath the cloudy mountain peak
The record breaking dream has turned into a total leak

[Verse 12]
They fail to beat the record, the car is towed away
A soggy orange nightmare on a terrible wet day
They proved that making cars into a high-speed racing boat
Is much harder than it looks to keep the metal shell afloat

[Verse 13]
Back inside the Cotswolds tent, the crowd is laughing loud
At the catastrophic water plans that shocked the country crowd
They look at the wet clothes and the damage on the floor
Concluding that the dry land is safe forevermore

[Verse 14]
In Celebrity Face-Off, the battle lines are clear
Two famous names from magic and TV walk out with a cheer
Dynamo and Penn & Teller are racing for the crown
To see who is the fastest illusionist inside the town

[Verse 15]
They race around the gravel track, the tires scream and shout
To find out who can handle cars and push the limits out
The leaderboard is shifting fast, the times are very tight
Beneath the British winter clouds and the studio light

[Verse 16]
The fifth song is slowing down, the amphibious films are past
The orange Bond Bug showed that drowning can be fast
The Grand Tour truck is waiting, the engines roar out loud
On to the next adventure, keeping petrolheads so proud

[Verse 17]
So play the pirate rock tonight and let the drums beat loud
The Coniston water special has left a happy crowd
Three presenters bickering about a sinking frame
The Grand Tour truck is rolling on to play another game

[Outro]
(Fast energetic accordion and guitar solo, heavy rock drums pounding, sound of water splashing and an engine sputtering out, final loud chord)

4287/7500

[Intro] (Fast accordion playing a nautical sea-shanty melody, suddenly crushed by a heavy distorted rock guitar riff and pounding drums) [Verse 1] The Cotswolds tent is buzzing under Britain’s winter grey The permanent studio is ready for the play today Jeremy steps onto the stage with a very wicked smile Ready to take the motoring show across the water mile [Verse 2] But first we hit the Eboladrome where the asphalt is so wet To test a British super-saloon that you will not forget The Jaguar XE SV Project 8 is screaming out in grey Six hundred horsepower ready for the track today [Verse 3] It has a massive rear wing, a supercharged V8 It slides around the corners and it flies along the straight It sets a blazing lap time on the leader-board wall The fastest four-door sedan that can easily rule them all [Verse 4] [Music shifts to a bouncy nautical rock rhythm] Now the main challenge starts upon a very liquid floor They want to break a record near the rocky English shore The British speed record for amphibious design To drive across the open water on a racing line [Verse 5] They take an old Bond Bug, a fiberglass design in bright An orange three-wheeled microcar that is incredibly light They strip the engine out and put a jetski motor inside With a massive water jet to conquer every single tide [Verse 6] Richard Hammond is the engineer, he welds the metal tight While James May checks the electronics in the morning light But Jeremy is skeptical, he thinks the car will drown And turn into the ugliest anchor in the local town [Verse 7] They head to Coniston Water where the mountain shadows gleam To launch the orange monster and achieve the record dream The first time in the water, things go wrong completely fast The back end starts to sink and cannot make the engine last [Verse 8] The water’s pouring inside through the gaps in the shell The Bond Bug is transforming into an aquatic hell Jeremy is shouting as the lake hits his old knees While Richard tries to pump it out against the winter breeze [Verse 9] They take it back into the shed to fix the leaky floor They add some massive foam blocks right outside the cabin door The second launch is better, the jet begins to spray The orange car is moving in a very funny way [Verse 10] It lifts up on the water, it starts to hydroplane But steering is impossible and causing heavy pain It spins around in circles, throwing water in the sky While three presenters scream and pray they do not bloody die [Verse 11] Then James May tries to drive it for the official timing run But the engine catches fire, ruining the local fun The smoke is thick and black beneath the cloudy mountain peak The record breaking dream has turned into a total leak [Verse 12] They fail to beat the record, the car is towed away A soggy orange nightmare on a terrible wet day They proved that making cars into a high-speed racing boat Is much harder than it looks to keep the metal shell afloat [Verse 13] Back inside the Cotswolds tent, the crowd is laughing loud At the catastrophic water plans that shocked the country crowd They look at the wet clothes and the damage on the floor Concluding that the dry land is safe forevermore [Verse 14] In Celebrity Face-Off, the battle lines are clear Two famous names from magic and TV walk out with a cheer Dynamo and Penn & Teller are racing for the crown To see who is the fastest illusionist inside the town [Verse 15] They race around the gravel track, the tires scream and shout To find out who can handle cars and push the limits out The leaderboard is shifting fast, the times are very tight Beneath the British winter clouds and the studio light [Verse 16] The fifth song is slowing down, the amphibious films are past The orange Bond Bug showed that drowning can be fast The Grand Tour truck is waiting, the engines roar out loud On to the next adventure, keeping petrolheads so proud [Verse 17] So play the pirate rock tonight and let the drums beat loud The Coniston water special has left a happy crowd Three presenters bickering about a sinking frame The Grand Tour truck is rolling on to play another game [Outro] (Fast energetic accordion and guitar solo, heavy rock drums pounding, sound of water splashing and an engine sputtering out, final loud chord)

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