[Intro] Who invited Kevin? He’s standing right there. [Verse 1] I set three plates on the table tonight One for me, one for Sue, one for Dwight The waiter says, “Your party is two” I say, “That’s rude—there are clearly a few” Sue steals fries when the check comes around Dwight knows magic but won’t make a sound Kevin keeps asking to borrow my coat Then all three vanish when the bus starts to float [Pre-Chorus] My mother says, “Please get some air” I say, “They’re already sitting in the chair” [Chorus] Invisible friends, they’re a terrible band They never pay rent, but they borrow my hand Invisible friends, with impeccable taste They eat all my snacks and leave no trace Hey! Hey! Who’s that? Nobody there! Hey! Hey! Stop touching my hair! Invisible friends, I’m the mayor of none The loneliest party is still number one [Verse 2] Dwight wears sunglasses indoors at noon Sue says my landlord is secretly a loon Kevin got banned from the bowling arcade For heckling a mannequin’s lemonade They all ride shotgun, they all talk back They point at the cops when we’re pulled over in black The officer asks, “Who’s shouting at me?” I say, “Those guys in the back—can’t you see?” [Pre-Chorus] My doctor says, “Try counting to ten” I count my friends, then I count them again [Chorus] Invisible friends, they’re a terrible band They never pay rent, but they borrow my hand Invisible friends, with impeccable taste They eat all my snacks and leave no trace Hey! Hey! Who’s that? Nobody there! Hey! Hey! Stop touching my hair! Invisible friends, I’m the mayor of none The loneliest party is still number one [Bridge] Kevin says, “You’re doing great!” Sue says, “We should sue the state!” Dwight says, “I can fix this chair!” Now there’s a chair levitating in the air Everybody duck—except me They’re not imaginary, they’re just hard to see [Breakdown] Left side: Kevin! Right side: Sue! Back row: Dwight! Front row: who? Nobody! Nobody! Nobody! [Final Chorus] Invisible friends, they’re a terrible band Still the best worst guests in the land Invisible friends, when the daylight is done They split one pizza and they each get one Hey! Hey! Who’s that? Nobody there! Hey! Hey! Stop touching my hair! Invisible friends, raise a glass to the air If nobody sees us, nobody cares [Outro] The room is empty. The pizza is gone. Kevin says, “Encore!” I say, “Put your shoes on.”
