MY DOG STARTED A CULT Verse 1 Blitzen used to chase tennis balls Sleep all day and act like a hog She’d do whatever she felt fit Pretty normal dog-girl shit Then one Tuesday she came home late Had a crystal hanging from her chain She acted like it wasn’t a thing She stopped eating her Roll Hide treats Started baking sweet treats She was often found up at night— writing down hieroglyphics in the moon light Pre-Chorus I said, “Blitz, what’s going on?” She just blinked twice and carried on [Chorus] I think my fucking dog started a cult I think she might also sell coke This bitch is outta line, I think she thinks shes Jesus Christ I think my fucking dog started a cult And I swear this isn’t a made up hoax She asked me to dry clean her new red robe I think she thinks I don’t know ⸻ [Verse 2] I followed her down Aurora street Past the crack house and pile of rotten meat Found fifty dogs gathered round golden bone There was a pug there named Bruce— I don’t know how this fucker got loose He seen me behind a tree and I swear he tried to stab me I wasn’t ready for that fight He hit me hard — hit me fast and I started to pass Next thing I knew I was floating away but I saw Blitzen there — she didn’t stay at bay — she pulled out a thick text book and chanted — with a gasp — I woke up feeling like total ass I immediately screamed and started pissing aggressively ⸻ Chorus] I think my fucking dog started a cult I think she might also sell coke This bitch is outta line, I think she thinks shes Jesus Christ I think my fucking dog started a cult And I swear this isn’t a made up hoax She asked me to dry clean her new red robe I think she thinks I don’t know ⸻ Bridge Now running as fast as I can — I tried not to shake anyone’s hand I knew it was time to go — still bleeding like a hose I dove back in my house — blocked the door so I couldn’t get back out — passed out from loss of blood — as one usually does ⸻ Breakdown Blitzen suddenly appeared — she tried not acting weird — she brought me back with some chants and she even ate the shit off my pants ⸻ Final Chorus I think my fucking dog started a cult I think she might also sell coke This bitch is outta line, I think she thinks shes Jesus Christ I think my fucking dog started a cult And I swear this isn’t a made up hoax She asked me to dry clean her new red robe Now she definitely knows I know ⸻ ⸻ Outro Hey Blitz … like maybe you should stop hanging around sketchy ass pugs with knives and shit You need counseling immediately Bad dog
