[Start – Bright Jangle Guitar / Handclaps / Tambourine] [Intro – Cheerful Group Harmony] Ba-ba-ba-ba... Sha-la-la-la... What a lovely little town! [Spoken – Narrator, uneasy] It really was. Until Tuesday. [Verse 1] Mrs. Harper used to yell at dogs Mr. Reese complained at dawn Billy stole my Sunday paper Every single week, like clockwork... gone Then one morning Mrs. Harper Smiled and waved and called me "dear" Mr. Reese said, "What fine weather!" And Billy brought my paper here [Pre-Chorus] I said, "Something's wrong" They said, "Don't be silly" I said, "People don't improve this much overnight" [Harmony – Sweetly] Why not? [Chorus] Everybody's so nice now Everybody smiles Nobody gets angry Nobody acts vile Everybody's helpful Everybody agrees And everybody's growing funny flowers by their trees Oh, everybody's so nice now Isn't that... strange? [Bright Instrumental Flourish] Ba-ba-ba-ba... [Verse 2] Found a pod behind the hardware store Big as Uncle Charlie's chair Green and glossy, gently breathing Something vaguely human in there Called the sheriff Tried explaining He just laughed and shook my hand Said, "You've always had imagination" Then invited me to join the garden club at ten [Spoken – Narrator] The sheriff hated gardening. He once arrested a zucchini. [Pre-Chorus] Next day he was planting roses Smiling like he'd won a prize Same old hat Same old badge Different something behind those eyes [Chorus] Everybody's so nice now Everybody smiles Nobody gets jealous Nobody keeps files Nobody starts arguments Nobody slams doors And everybody leaves enormous seed pods underneath their porches Oh, everybody's so nice now Isn't that... nice?!? [Minor-Key Turn Under Bright Harmonies] [Verse 3] Pastor Lane forgot his sermons Coach forgot his losing streak Mabel quit correcting grammar That alone kept me awake all week Even Larry at the diner Stopped complaining 'bout his knee Then he poured my tea Looked straight through me Said, "We've been wondering when you'd sleep." [Music briefly drops] ... I switched to coffee. [Music snaps cheerful again] [Bridge – Dreamy Sunshine Harmonies / Slightly Warped] They come out beneath the moonlight Soft as summer, green as spring Little roots around the windows Little tendrils on everything And the people who awaken Look exactly like before Same old laugh Same old sweater Just... less likely to lock the door [Layered Harmonies] Sleep... Sleep... Sleep... [Spoken – Narrator] No thank you. I had more coffee. [Drums return] [Verse 4] I warned the barber Warned the baker Warned the ladies at the bank Told the mayor, "Check your basement!" He just smiled at me and drank Then my neighbor Cindy whispered, "I believe you. Come inside." Next morning Cindy waved from her garden With a pod husk by her side [Pre-Chorus – Nervous but Still Bouncy] So now I don't trust anybody Not the milkman Not the priest Not the smiling crossing guard And definitely not the florist on East Street [Chorus – Bigger Harmonies] Everybody's so nice now Everybody smiles Nobody tells secrets Nobody has trials Nobody acts selfish Nobody disagrees And everybody keeps suggesting I should get more sleep Oh, everybody's so nice now Everybody's calm Everybody wants to hug me Everybody's lawn looks absolutely phenomenal ... That's how I know. [Instrumental Break – Jangly Guitar / Glockenspiel / Handclaps] Ba-ba-ba-ba... Sha-la-la-la... Please don't fall asleep... Ba-ba-ba-ba... [Final Verse – Sole Survivor] I'm the last one in the motel Room eleven, curtains drawn Got six thermoses of coffee As the television roars There's a pod beside the ice machine Another by the stairs Someone slipped a gardening pamphlet Underneath my door The sprinklers run all night And nobody cares [Knock, knock, knock] [Sweet Voices Outside] "Good morning!" "We brought muffins!" "Open up!" [Spoken – Narrator] See? Nobody in this town has ever brought me muffins. [Final Chorus – Huge, Radiant, Slightly Unsettling] Everybody's so nice now Everybody beams Everybody's waiting For me to go to sleep and dream Everybody's patient Everybody's sweet Everybody's standing very quietly out in the street Oh, everybody's so nice now And I'm the only one who knows... [Music thins] Nice people are terrifying when they're all nice at once. [Outro – Whispered Over Cheerful Harmonies] Ba-ba-ba-ba... Sha-la-la-la... [Knocking grows louder] [Spoken – Narrator] Still awake. Still human. Still not joining the garden club. [Pause] ... Though those lawns do look incredible. [Soft Harmony] Sleep... [Spoken] Nope. [Bright Final Chord] [End]
