See I know this guy, terminally online type Anime profile pic with the worst fucking takes, right? [beat drop] Calls himself "based" but he's basically basement-dwelling Discord moderator energy, his whole vibe is repelling Thinks he's edgy 'cause he says slurs "ironically" Bro you're not the Joker, you're just chronically Unfunny and sad with a Reddit karma addiction Posting in r/unpopularopinion like it's a religion "Actually it's ephebophilia" - nobody asked Fedora-tipping energy, living in the past Calls women "females" like he's writing a nature doc Got blocked by his crush, now he's on the incel block While you were out on dates, he was studying the blade Convention katana, Hot Topic, lemonade South Park WoW guy with a little more hair Thinks he's a final boss, he's just breathing our air Self-appointed chaos agent, edgelord degree Most dangerous thing about you is your body odor, B And then he tips his fedora With a Rainbow Dash backpack just like Dora Euphoric king, a real Discord daddy Are you ready princess but she's not a baddie Such a nice guy, yeah we know, we know Finished last 'cause you never left the starting block bro Self-appointed victim of the friend zone wars Meanwhile everyone's just trying to lock their doors Such a nice guy, certified and self-declared Peaked at being almost noticed, nobody cared Keyboard warrior, chaos agent, edgelord supreme Nice guy finishing last in his own fever dream Bought an NFT, told everyone it was an investment Right-clicked, saved as, there goes your life's testament Crypto bro phase lasted three weeks and a recession Lost his dad's money, that's a whole other confession Got a podcast, four listeners, two are his devices Talks for three hours about his "controversial" crisis "Pour Decisions" bar idea, told it to everyone twice Nobody invested, shockingly, nobody paid the price Applied to three colleges, got rejected by all Framed the letters anyway, hung them up in the hall "They weren't ready for my vision" is what he said Meanwhile his vision is just empty energy drinks instead That girl from Discord called him "bro" in twenty sixteen He's still writing paragraphs about it, and she's living her dream Started a Substack about why women don't date real men One post. Just the one. Never logged in again. And then he tips his fedora With a Rainbow Dash backpack just like Dora Euphoric king, a real Discord daddy Are you ready princess but she's not a baddie Such a nice guy, yeah we know, we know Finished last 'cause you never left the starting block bro Self-appointed victim of the friend zone wars Meanwhile everyone's just trying to lock their doors Such a nice guy, certified and self-declared Peaked at being almost noticed, nobody cared Keyboard warrior, chaos agent, edgelord supreme Nice guy finishing last in his own fever dream Fell for every MLM like it's a formality Herbalife, Amway, some crystals from a Facebook group Now he's got a garage full of dreams and nowhere to recoup Temu haul looking like a fever dream in cardboard boxes AliExpress katana, five fidget spinners, knock-off Oxfords Selling "premium products" to his remaining three friends They blocked him too, now his sales funnel ends "This isn't a pyramid, it's a TRIANGLE of success" Got a ring light and a folding table, running his "business" LinkedIn says "entrepreneur, visionary, CEO" Of absolutely nothing, but okay bro Still waiting on his "passive income" to arrive Meanwhile the Temu packages are eating him alive Such a nice guy, yeah we know, we know Finished last 'cause you never left the starting block bro Self-appointed victim of the friend zone wars Meanwhile everyone's just trying to lock their doors Such a nice guy, certified and self-declared Peaked at being almost noticed, nobody cared Keyboard warrior, chaos agent, edgelord supreme Nice guy finishing last in his own fever dream
