[Intro: Fast palm-muted guitar chugging, then frantic drums] [Spoken: ONE, TWO! ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!] [Full Band Explosion with Pick Slide] [Verse 1: Nasally Vocals] It was the Saturday before Christmas, twenty-twenty-five I was down in SoMa, just trying to survive The last-minute shoppers were clogging up the lane When the substation decided to go up in flames! Yeah, 1:09 PM and the grid took a nap 8th and Mission blew right off the map It’s like 2003, yeah we’ve seen this show before Now the Sunset’s dark and I can’t unlock my door! [Chorus: Heavy Anthemic Power Chords] Whoa-oh! San Francisco’s dead! The traffic lights are black, the city’s seeing red! PG&E is sorry, here’s a credit for your bill While the Smart City dies on the side of the hill! Whoa-oh! The lights are never coming back! Welcome to the holiday cardiac attack! [Verse 2: Driving Bass and Toms] Now the humans are confused, treating lights like 4-way stops But the robots are in panic-mode, calling for the cops Look at the Waymos! They’re frozen in a pile! White Jaguars bricked up for half a freakin’ mile! [Full Volume Guitar Crash] They lost the internet, they don't know what to do Stuck in the intersection with a flashing lights view They called "Fleet Response" but the line was busy, man Now the Fire Truck is blocked by a self-driving van! [Chorus: High Energy] Whoa-oh! San Francisco’s dead! The traffic lights are black, the city’s seeing red! PG&E is sorry, here’s a credit for your bill While the Smart City dies on the side of the hill! Whoa-oh! The lights are never coming back! Welcome to the holiday cardiac attack! [Bridge: Half-Time Stomp, Whiny Melodic Vocals] Poor Cinderella Bakery, throwing out the dough (Backing Vocals: Throwing out the dough!) Mike Fishman’s crying 'cause the ovens wouldn't glow (Backing Vocals: They wouldn't glow!) Elon’s on Twitter saying "Tesla would’ve won" But I’m eating cold pizza and it isn’t any fun. [Build Up: Snare Roll Accelerating] Two hundred dollars? Is that all I get? For three days of darkness and cold, cold sweat?! LET’S GO! [Guitar Solo: Fast High Pitch Bends] [Verse 3: Full Speed Punk Beat] They say it’s "Systemic Fragility" in the report I say it’s just a monopoly holding down the fort! The Richmond is quiet, the Presidio is black And Mayor Lurie's screaming "Take the Jaguars back!" It took four days to fix the wire 'Cause the "critical component" was a dumpster fire! [Outro: Chanted Gang Vocals over Heavy Drums] The grid is fragile! (Hey!) The cars are bricked! (Hey!) The substation burnt! (Hey!) And we got tricked! (Hey!) [Screamed Finale] See you in twenty years when it burns down AGAAAAAIN! [Feedback Squeals and Silence] [Spoken Drily] Does anyone have a charger?
