Twenty Times A Day (NuMetal)
[Intro — A lone pedal steel bends against a distorted guitar harmonic. Uneven electronic pulse.] [Verse 1 — Low, conversational country vocal over clipped hip-hop drums and muted acoustic guitar] Ten in the morning, I’m ready to run, Got a thousand things started and nothing quite done. Eleven fifteen, I can’t get off the floor, By noon I’m making plans like I was before. I laugh at a memory, then hate that I laughed, Get halfway through crying and the feeling just passed. No warning, no reason, no changing the scene, Just another damn version of me in between. [Pre-Chorus — Rising distorted guitars, strained melodic vocal] And I can’t tell the difference Between coming apart and coming alive. Every time I think I’ve landed, Something pulls me back inside. [Chorus — Explosive nu-metal guitars, huge aching country melody, sustained vibrato] I lose my mind and find my feet Twenty times a day. I’m halfway healed, I’m halfway gone, And neither half will stay. I’m burning up, I’m freezing out, I’m screaming, then I’m okay. I lose my mind and find my feet Twenty times a day. [Verse 2 — Rapid rhythmic country-rap, syncopated drums, distorted bass] I watched you fade, I watched you fight, Now I can finally sleep at night. Then I remember what that means, And the relief turns cruel on me. I worry about tomorrow, then I couldn’t care less, Get angry at the smallest thing, then forgive the whole mess. I make a little music, feel ten feet tall, Then the room gets quiet and I feel nothing at all. No pattern in the weather, no forecast in my head, Just a thousand conversations with a man who isn’t there. [Pre-Chorus — Half-rapped, half-sung, vocal cracking] And I don’t need another answer For why I’m feeling this way. I just need one damn hour Where the ground agrees to stay. [Chorus — Full band, country vibrato breaking into raw rock vocal] I lose my mind and find my feet Twenty times a day. I’m halfway healed, I’m halfway gone, And neither half will stay. I’m burning up, I’m freezing out, I’m screaming, then I’m okay. I lose my mind and find my feet Twenty times a day. [Bridge — Abrupt silence, then lonely acoustic guitar and pedal steel. Vulnerable, almost spoken.] I didn’t want you suffering. I didn’t want you gone. I know those things can both be true. I just can’t hold them very long. [Heavy guitars enter, anguished melodic shout] I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M FEELING! I DON’T KNOW WHAT COMES NEXT! I CAN MISS YOU AND BE THANKFUL THAT YOU FINALLY GOT TO REST! [Breakdown — Half-time industrial drums, low distorted guitar, fragmented whispered vocals] Anger into calm. Worry into peace. A hundred miles an hour. Then nothing underneath. [Final Chorus — Slower, enormous melody, country harmonies under heavy guitars] I lose my mind and find my feet Twenty times a day. But maybe now the shaking’s slowing, Maybe something’s changed. I’m not all right, I’m not all wrong, I’m learning how to stay. I lost my mind and found my feet A little more today. [Outro — Drums stop. Pedal steel and a single acoustic guitar. Soft country vocal, trembling vibrato.] The house inside my head Was never built for quiet. But it’s quiet now. For a minute, anyway. [End — One unresolved guitar harmonic fades into silence]
