[Intro – Spoken, over a slow, melancholic piano and distant rain] Yeah. Funny thing about pain— Everybody sees the scars when they finally heal. Nobody asks how deep the blade went. Nobody asks how long you bled. Nobody asks how many nights you begged for it to stop. They just see the scar and say "you're so strong." I didn't wanna be strong. I wanted it to stop. [Verse 1] I got pain in my bones, I can feel that shit ache, Smile when they ask me how I'm doing, knowing half of it's fake. They see the surface, see the smile, see the man who's standing tall, They don't see the boy inside who's still waiting for the fall. Fuck that. I remember crying alone. I remember being told to man up, keep it in, don't make a sound. I remember swallowing the sorrow like it was something I deserved, Like the hurt was just a lesson, like the wound was just a word. Nah. I'm different now. Little less willing to pretend. Everybody "here for you" until you actually need a friend. Funny how they disappear when the darkness comes around, Funny how they only call when you're the one who's feeling down. Wait. No. That's backwards, ain't it? They only call when they need something, when their life ain't right, Then they dump it all on you and leave you holding it at night. And you're the one who's drowning while they're swimming in the light, And you're the one who's bleeding while they're sleeping through the night. See, pain got a memory. Pain keeps the score. Pain knows exactly who was absent when you couldn't take no more. Who was silent when you needed them, who was busy when you called, Who said "I'll be there in a minute," then they never came at all. I don't hate them. That's exhausting. But trust ain't something I can hand out like it's free, When the ones who said they loved me were the ones who wounded me. I'm protecting what's left. Call it pain. I call it wisdom. [Chorus] PAIN. It's been living in me. Every wound, every scar, every fucking memory. PAIN. I can feel when it speaks. Saying, "Don't you let 'em see you breaking at the knees." PAIN. I don't run from the hurt. I just learned how to carry it without letting it carry me first. PAIN. Yeah, I know you by name. You ain't breaking me— I'm putting you to work today. [Verse 2] Look. I'm in pain for the ones I lost. Let's make that clear. memories of Carl on the pillow with his lips turning blue, Sean on the street with the pipe and the shame, The mother who tried to kill me, the father who left me alone. That's on life. I own it. Can't blame the world for the cards that I was dealt, Blame the dealer when I'm the one who played the hand I felt. Can't blame the past for the present that I'm living in right now, When I'm the one who chose to carry it, I'm the one who chose the vow. Damn. That's grief with a bitter taste. Had to lose a couple people just to give myself some space. Had to stop explaining why I put somebody in their place, 'Cause people only call you distant when they benefited from your grace. Read that twice. Matter fact, don't. I ain't preaching. I'm just talking to myself because I'm finally fucking listening. Had a war inside my chest called the casualties "survival," Kept breathing every day and still felt something fucking hollow. Peace. That's what pain never gave me. It gave me empathy, gave me depth, it saved me, But anything you carry eventually will break thee, And I ain't spending forty years drowning in the sorrows that they gave me. So I'm letting some shit heal. Not forgetting. Just done bleeding it. Pain built the person— Now I'm deciding who I'm being. [Chorus] PAIN. It's been living in me. Every wound, every scar, every fucking memory. PAIN. I can feel when it speaks. Saying, "Don't you let 'em see you breaking at the knees." PAIN. I don't run from the hurt. I just learned how to carry it without letting it carry me first. PAIN. Yeah, I know you by name. You ain't breaking me— I'm putting you to work today. [Bridge – Stripped back, raw, spoken] I used to think healing meant I wouldn't hurt anymore. Nah. Healing is hurting And not letting it destroy everything you love. It's knowing who deserves your tears And who deserves a closed door. It's knowing revenge feels good for a minute— Peace feels good for much more. So I'm in pain. Yeah. I'm fucking hurting. For them. For me. For everything I carried just to make somebody else comfortable. But tomorrow? I'm getting up. And pain can come with me— It just ain't leading anymore. [Outro – Spoken, over fading piano] Pain. It's been living in me. But it ain't living rent free. I'm putting it to work. Building something better. Something softer. Something that doesn't break. Pain. I know you by name. And I'm still here. Still standing. Still breathing. Still me.
