I learned the mask before I learned my name Smiles were stitched into scars I can’t erase This damage was written before the first page turned I was built from silence, I was born to burn So I cover my eyes, pretend that I’m fine If I lie to myself enough, I’ll believe the disguise Yeah, I’ll just believe it I’m a good liar, ‘cause I practiced on me Now you believe every time I say I’m okay Truth feels like a language I’ll never speak I’m a grave I keep digging, I’m buried deep I don’t know another way to see the light Every tunnel I dig just kills the sky I tell myself healing is just a dream Even my dreams are lies that I scream So I cover my mouth, choke down the doubt If I lie loud enough, maybe, maybe I can drown it out I’m a good liar, ‘cause I practiced on me Now you believe every time I say I’m okay Truth feels like a language I’ll never speak I’m a grave I keep digging, I’m buried deep I was damage before I had a name Silenced before I had a voice Drowning before the flood began Choosing lies like I never had a choice I know I ruin the bridges you try to build I see you reaching, I’m frozen still It’s not that I don’t care, it’s the weight I can’t shake I’m warning you now, I don’t know what it takes I forget to reply, I know it feels cruel Like I made you nothing, that’s not the truth Don’t take my silence as the end of my care I’m still here, just buried, I swear I’m aware I’m sorry This is heavier than I can hold alone I lock it inside, turn silence into stone If I let you in, I’d just poison your trust So I shoulder the weight, though it’s turning me to dust I lie to you, I lie to me, I lie just to survive Every “I’m fine” is another part of me that dies I don’t want to hurt you with the truth I deny So I bury it deeper, just to watch myself lie Too heavy, it’s too heavy I’m a good liar, ‘cause I practiced on me Now you believe every time I say I’m okay The truth feels like a language I’ll never speak I dug too deep, I only knew how to dig deeper Now I’m buried deep I’m fine If I go quiet again, don’t think it means I’m gone I’m still here, fighting to breathe fighting not to drown in me but I’m still alive, even if it’s barely Still here
