I Need a New Hub

In the beginning was USB 1 1... and it was fine. I need a new hub One that won't let me down One with enough power delivery To keep my devices around I need a new hub One where the chipset won't fight The USB controllers Every single night It's gotta negotiate right... No more defaults to the slow lane tonight... One that won't give up on me Won't selective suspend randomly One that understands My whole world's in its hands I need a new hub One that doesn't make me choose Between charging at full speed And the bandwidth that I'll lose I need a new hub Where Thunderbolt means what it says Not negotiating down to USB 2.0 Every time I plug in my shred ...of course No more VBUS overload... Gimme lanes that actually flow... One that won't give up on me Won't quit unexpectedly One that understands My whole world's in its hands I keep trying, I keep buying Read the specs, they all sound right But the powered ones need power And the unpowered ones just... die Maybe I'm asking too much— No, I just need a hub that knows When Type-C means Thunderbolt And when it's just... USB at 2.0 900 milliamps When the port only gives 700... I need a new hub Where the ports don't share one rail Where PCIe lanes don't bottleneck And the drivers never fail I need a new hub Won't leave me stranded there With my presentation frozen And everyone pretending not to stare One last shot before the crash... Don't make me unplug in a flash... I need a new hub One that just... stays Is that really asking too much? Guess I'll search Amazon again... Read reviews I won't trust... Filter by "4 stars and up"... And hope... One that won't give up on me...