Second Coming (But Not That One)

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[Intro – Baroque Pipe Organ + Whispering Choir FX]
[Clara – dreamy, operatic falsetto, over toy piano]
🎶 I knelt to pray with grace and poise,
But slipped on lotion near the holy noise...
And what I saw beneath the pew,
Was... NOT what nuns would ever do! 🎶

[Toot – sassy soul belt, crash cymbals and slap bass hit]
🎶 Girl, He don’t bless yo’ milkshake thighs—
He’s too busy turnin’ loaves and skies.
I offered my confessional fudge...
He ghosted me like a heavenly judge. 🎶

---

[Verse 1 – Clara (soprano) + Toot (soul harmony)]
[Clara:]
I just wanted grace and a shiny crown—
But this baptism pool got me wetin' down!
[Toot:]
I brought whipped cream to the rosary jam,
And moaned “hallelujah” on Instagram.

---

[Chorus – Full Choir (soulful + falsetto call-and-response)]
🎶 Second coming, but not that one!  
You’re confusing Mass with having fun.  
He’ll lift your soul, not your rear...  
So stop twerking in liturgical gear! 🎶  
🎶 The spirit moves, the candles burn—  
But divinity don’t do body churn.  
If He walks on water, don’t assume  
He’ll bless your tub with boom-boom boom! 🎶

---

[Bridge – Spoken Word Duet, toy piano vamping underneath]
[Clara – shocked]
“I thought the priest was just... offering wine.”
[Toot – scandalized]
“Girl, he was pouring you *consensual damnation* with a citrus twist.”

[Clara]
“But I wore the chastity tiara!”
[Toot]
“Then why’d you drop it in the collection plate with your phone number?!”

---

[Verse 2 – Funky breakdown with kazoo solos and church tambourines]
[Toot:]
I climbed the steeple in disco boots,
Did yoga on pews in birthday suits.
[Clara:]
I thought ‘hosanna’ was a dance—
Now I’ve got glitter in my underpants.

---

[Chorus 2 – Gospel choir, full-blast, synth harp glissando]
🎶 Second coming, sanctified—
But keep your urges symbolified!
No need to squird in the House of Prayer—
Just praise the Lord with *actual* air! 🎶  
🎶 Your sins are soaked in disco light,
But the Lamb ain’t swipin’ left or right.
He’ll save your soul, not join your kink—
So zip your robe and let that sink! 🎶

---

[Outro – Pipe Organ Solo + Vibraphone Lick, over heavenly choir]
[Toot – whispering sultrily]
He said “turn the other cheek,”  
But I brought *both*...

[Clara – confused, but hopeful]
Is it still sacred...  
...if I used scented oils?

[Final Whisper – Choir]
🎶 Symbolic redemption... amen. 🎶

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[Title: “Second Coming (But Not That One)”] [Style: Cartoon Gospel Funk Ballad · Theatrical Satire · Symbolic Sex Comedy] [Genres: Disco Church Cabaret · Comedy Funk · Animated Showtune] [Instruments: Pipe organ, slap bass, wah-wah guitar, gospel choir, kazoo ensemble, toy piano, synth harp, vibraphone, kazoo harmony, theremin accents] [Tempo: 105 BPM – groovy mid-tempo with gospel swing and comedy pacing] [Language: English – symbolic and safe, packed with innuendos and double entendres] [Intro – Baroque Pipe Organ + Whispering Choir FX] [Clara – dreamy, operatic falsetto, over toy piano] 🎶 I knelt to pray with grace and poise, But slipped on lotion near the holy noise... And what I saw beneath the pew, Was... NOT what nuns would ever do! 🎶 [Toot – sassy soul belt, crash cymbals and slap bass hit] 🎶 Girl, He don’t bless yo’ milkshake thighs— He’s too busy turnin’ loaves and skies. I offered my confessional fudge... He ghosted me like a heavenly judge. 🎶 --- [Verse 1 – Clara (soprano) + Toot (soul harmony)] [Clara:] I just wanted grace and a shiny crown— But this baptism pool got me wetin' down! [Toot:] I brought whipped cream to the rosary jam, And moaned “hallelujah” on Instagram. --- [Chorus – Full Choir (soulful + falsetto call-and-response)] 🎶 Second coming, but not that one! You’re confusing Mass with having fun. He’ll lift your soul, not your rear... So stop twerking in liturgical gear! 🎶 🎶 The spirit moves, the candles burn— But divinity don’t do body churn. If He walks on water, don’t assume He’ll bless your tub with boom-boom boom! 🎶 --- [Bridge – Spoken Word Duet, toy piano vamping underneath] [Clara – shocked] “I thought the priest was just... offering wine.” [Toot – scandalized] “Girl, he was pouring you *consensual damnation* with a citrus twist.” [Clara] “But I wore the chastity tiara!” [Toot] “Then why’d you drop it in the collection plate with your phone number?!” --- [Verse 2 – Funky breakdown with kazoo solos and church tambourines] [Toot:] I climbed the steeple in disco boots, Did yoga on pews in birthday suits. [Clara:] I thought ‘hosanna’ was a dance— Now I’ve got glitter in my underpants. --- [Chorus 2 – Gospel choir, full-blast, synth harp glissando] 🎶 Second coming, sanctified— But keep your urges symbolified! No need to squird in the House of Prayer— Just praise the Lord with *actual* air! 🎶 🎶 Your sins are soaked in disco light, But the Lamb ain’t swipin’ left or right. He’ll save your soul, not join your kink— So zip your robe and let that sink! 🎶 --- [Outro – Pipe Organ Solo + Vibraphone Lick, over heavenly choir] [Toot – whispering sultrily] He said “turn the other cheek,” But I brought *both*... [Clara – confused, but hopeful] Is it still sacred... ...if I used scented oils? [Final Whisper – Choir] 🎶 Symbolic redemption... amen. 🎶

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