[Spoken Intro] This is a love song. PIP: Not to each other. We’re not insane. To something far more reliable. PIP: To the noblest root that ever met hot oil. BOTH: This one’s called “My One True Tater.” [Verse 1 – Pip] I’ve had crushes on gold and glory Chased a few hearts round the map Kissed trouble in a hundred taverns Woke up with regret in my lap But when the world falls down around me And all my plans go later There’s one thing waiting on my plate My soft and faithful tater [Pre-Chorus – Pip & Fattyfoot] You don’t judge, you don’t complain You just soak up salt and pain [Chorus – Both] Oh my one true tater My comfort and my doom Mashed or baked or roasted You light up every room When love goes cold and stories fade And friends turn into traitors I know who’ll still be there for me My humble, holy tater [Verse 2 – Fattyfoot] I’ve sworn oaths to ales and cheeses To fancy pies and pies that lied I’ve flirted with exotic spices Burned my tongue on foreign pride But peel you rough or scrub you gentle In every shape and flavor You never once have let me down You starchy little savior [Pre-Chorus – Fattyfoot] Boiled or fried, you hold me tight In crispy armor, golden light [Chorus – Both] Oh my one true tater My comfort and my doom Mashed or baked or roasted You light up every room When love goes cold and stories fade And friends turn into traitors I know who’ll still be there for me My steadfast, shining tater [Spoken Break] PIP: People say, “Pip, you can’t build a life around potatoes.” Those people are wrong, and also hungry. PIP: I tried romance. It left. The potatoes stayed. [Verse 3 – Pip] You’ve dressed in skins at midnight feasts Worn crowns of herbs and cream You’ve swum in lakes of butter bright You’ve lived my every dream While others chase some fancy flame I chase the kitchen later And fall on bended knee before A bowl of steaming taters [Pre-Chorus – Both] Sprinkled salt like temple bells Gravy pours and all is well [Chorus – Both] Oh my one true tater My comfort and my doom Mashed or baked or roasted You light up every room When love goes cold and stories fade And songs turn into papers I know who still will warm my soul My ever-faithful tater [Bridge – Call & Response] PIP: Who held me through my darkest nights? CROWD: The taters! FATTYFOOT: Who showed up with the cheapest bites? CROWD: The taters! PIP: Who loves me when my plans all crash? CROWD: The taters! FATTYFOOT: Who understands both cheese and hash? CROWD: The taters! BOTH (sung): Some swear on glory, some swear on gold We swear on carbs that never grow cold [Final Chorus – Both] Oh my one true tater My comfort and my doom Mashed or baked or roasted You light up every room When crowns fall down and empires break And legends meet their makers We’ll still be in the corner booth In love with our potatoes Pip, would you die for me? PIP: Absolutely not. For potatoes? PIP: …How many are we talking? [Laughter, instruments ring out]
