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[Intro: Comedy Polka Phonk Fusion, 160 BPM, Distorted Phonk Cowbell, Fast Accordion Trills, Slide Whistle Up, Heavy Tuba Thumping] (Inhale) (Rapid-fire accordion scales) (Sound of a rubber duck squeezing: Squeak-squeak!) (Deep voice: "PHONK-A-POLKA!") [Verse 1: Upbeat Accordion, 80s Polka-Pop Synth, Heavy Oom-pah Tuba, Honking Horns] I donβt go to weddings, I trip on the floor I got my suspenders caught in the door Did you know that my knees are still really quite purple? (Slide whistle down) I stare at pictures of you eating cheese In socks and in sandals and knobby old knees And the way you double-dipped is just plain unforgivable! (Duck call: Quack!) [Pre-Chorus: Expressive Male Vocals, Rising Accordion Chords, Rapid Snare Rolls] You turned my strudel into a gym sock! (A-ha! A-ha!) [Chorus: High-Energy Polka Phonk, Distorted Bass, Slapstick Sound Effects, Yodeling] I donβt wanna call you, but I do! (Yodel-ay-hee!) I donβt wanna miss you, but I do! (Hey! Hey!) I just wanna honk now, like a bad kazoo (Sound of a bicycle horn: Honk-honk!) Thinking 'bout the way Iβm still not over you I donβt wanna cry, but then I do! (Boo-hoo-hoo!) I donβt wanna kiss you, but I do! (Mwah!) I just wanna throw away the bratwurst Put on my lederhosen, tell the world I donβt love you Wish I could say I donβt, but I do! (A-yodel-ay-hee-hoo!) [Verse 2: 80s Polka-Pop Fusion, Funky Bassline, Frequent Duck Calls and Slide Whistles] My expired coupons are all on the floor Mixed in with sauerkraut and crumbs from the store All the polkas I canβt listen to anymore! (Slide whistle up!) Cream pies, they fell to earth so perfectly (Splat sound effect!) Then blew up once you had control of me Now Iβm searching through the buffet from a time before! (Outburst: "Hey, who ate my schnitzel?!") [Pre-Chorus: Rising Tuba Energy, Rapid-fire Accordion, Honking Horns] You turned my dream date into a clown show! (Whoopee cushion sound effect!) [Chorus: Maximum Energy, Heavy Phonk Cowbell, Expressive Vocals, Multiple Yodels] I donβt wanna call you, but I do! (Yodel-ay-hee!) I donβt wanna miss you, but I do! (Hey! Hey!) I just wanna honk now, like a bad kazoo (Sound of a bicycle horn: Honk-honk!) Thinking 'bout the way Iβm still not over you I donβt wanna cry, but then I do! (Wah-wah-wah!) I donβt wanna kiss you, but I do! (Yuck!) I just wanna throw away the bratwurst Put on my lederhosen, tell the world I donβt love you Wish I could say I donβt, but I do! [Bridge: Polka Breakdown, Solo Accordion, Heavy Oom-pah, Crowd Chanting "HEY!"] (Accordion solo: Extremely fast and chaotic) Wish I could say I donβt, but I do! (Hey!) Wish I could say I donβt, but I do! (Ho!) Wish I could say I donβt, but I do! (Let's eat!) (Outburst: "Everybody polka!") [Chorus: Grand Finale, Full Orchestral Polka, Phonk Fusion, Slapstick Sound Effects Galore] I donβt wanna call you, but I do! (Yodel-ay-hee!) I donβt wanna miss you, but I do! (Hey! Hey!) I just wanna honk now, like a bad kazoo (Sound of a bicycle horn: Honk-honk!) Thinking 'bout the way Iβm still not over you I donβt wanna cry, but then I do! I donβt wanna kiss you, but I do! I just wanna throw away the bratwurst Put on my lederhosen, tell the world I donβt love you Wish I could say I donβt, but I do! [Outro: Fast Tuba Coda, Final Slide Whistle, Crash Cymbal, Duck Call] Wish I could say I donβt, but I do! (Slide whistle up and down) (Big finish on the tuba: Oom-pah-pah!) (Voice: "Is the buffet still open?") (Squeak!)
