# THE TIME TRAVELER [Spoken Intro — amused] Well, well, well... Look at you! Oh, wow. That haircut! We really thought that looked good, didn't we? [Spoken — smug] Oh, relax! I'm you! Well... technically, I'm you from another universe. I know. Pretty impressive, right? You're probably wondering how I got here. What happens to us. Whether we ever become rich and famous. Well... No. No. And absolutely not! Although, I am a time traveler! Which is pretty awesome! Well... until I tell you what happens next. [Spoken — curious] Hang on. What year is this? Ohhh... right. The divorce. Yeah, that's gonna be rough. But listen, kid. You're gonna be okay. None of that is your fault. It was Mom's. Anyway! That's enough emotional growth for one afternoon! [Spoken — delighted] Oh, hey! Is that a black eye? Billy still pushing you around, huh? Oh, you're gonna love this! Wanna hear a little secret? Twenty-five years from now... Three divorces! And he's living in his mother's basement! Ohhh... that's beautiful. I still smile when I think about it. What? Oh, I know we're not supposed to celebrate other people's misery. But come on! I'm you. Why would I lie to you?! [Spoken — casually remembering] Oh! One more thing. The world's ending in about twenty-five years. Well... my world. Yours might be fine. Depending on what I do. [Spoken Outro — cheerful] Anyway! Great seeing you! Stay in school. Don't buy cryptocurrency. What do you mean, what's cryptocurrency?! Ugh! What is this, the Stone Age?!
