[Spoken Word] THERAPIST: Hello. How are you feeling today? PATIENT: Honestly? A little overwhelmed. THERAPIST: What’s overwhelming you? PATIENT: My brain. THERAPIST: Okay. What’s going on inside your brain? PATIENT: There’s a lot of arguing. THERAPIST: Between who? PATIENT: Everyone. THERAPIST: Everyone? PATIENT: Yeah. THERAPIST: Can you explain? PATIENT: There’s The Worrier, The Optimist, The Pessimist, The Critic, The Lazy One, The Hungry One, The Impulse Buyer… THERAPIST: Wait. The Impulse Buyer? PATIENT: She’s expensive. THERAPIST: And you have all these voices talking at once? PATIENT: Pretty much. THERAPIST: Which one makes the decisions? PATIENT: They usually vote. THERAPIST: And who usually wins? PATIENT: The Hungry One. THERAPIST: Why? PATIENT: Because nobody wants to argue with her when she’s hungry. THERAPIST: Fair enough. PATIENT: She’s terrifying. THERAPIST: So what does The Worrier say? PATIENT: “Something’s going to go wrong.” THERAPIST: And The Optimist? PATIENT: “Everything will be fine!” THERAPIST: The Pessimist? PATIENT: “No it won’t.” THERAPIST: The Critic? PATIENT: “You shouldn’t have done that.” THERAPIST: The Lazy One? PATIENT: “We can deal with it tomorrow.” THERAPIST: And The Impulse Buyer? PATIENT: “BUY IT!” THERAPIST: Do you actually need whatever she’s buying? PATIENT: Apparently not. THERAPIST: Then why do you buy it? PATIENT: Because she makes a very convincing argument. THERAPIST: What argument? PATIENT: “But it’s on sale.” THERAPIST: That’s not an argument. PATIENT: Tell her that. THERAPIST: And The What-If voice? PATIENT: Oh, she’s the worst. THERAPIST: Why? PATIENT: She asks questions. THERAPIST: Such as? PATIENT: “What if something happens?” THERAPIST: Like what? PATIENT: Anything. THERAPIST: Anything? PATIENT: Literally anything. THERAPIST: What if you go to the grocery store? PATIENT: What if there’s no parking? THERAPIST: What if there is parking? PATIENT: What if it’s too far away? THERAPIST: What if it’s close? PATIENT: What if someone takes it? THERAPIST: What if they don’t? PATIENT: Then she’ll find something else to worry about. THERAPIST: So your brain is basically a committee. PATIENT: Exactly. THERAPIST: And who is the chairperson? PATIENT: Nobody. THERAPIST: Nobody? PATIENT: They keep fighting over the chair. THERAPIST: And who gets the final say? PATIENT: Usually The Hungry One. THERAPIST: We’ve established that. PATIENT: She’s very persuasive. THERAPIST: What does she want right now? PATIENT: Pizza. THERAPIST: It’s ten in the morning. PATIENT: She doesn’t care. THERAPIST: Does anyone disagree? PATIENT: The Pessimist says it’ll make me fat. THERAPIST: And The Optimist? PATIENT: Says it’s going to be delicious. THERAPIST: The Critic? PATIENT: Says I shouldn’t eat it. THERAPIST: The Worrier? PATIENT: Says I might choke. THERAPIST: The Lazy One? PATIENT: Says delivery is easier. THERAPIST: And The Impulse Buyer? PATIENT: She already ordered it. THERAPIST: … PATIENT: She works fast. THERAPIST: You know what? PATIENT: What? THERAPIST: I think I understand your problem. PATIENT: Really? THERAPIST: You don’t need therapy. PATIENT: I don’t? THERAPIST: You need a boardroom. PATIENT: They tried that. THERAPIST: What happened? PATIENT: The Hungry One ate the agenda. THERAPIST: Of course she did.
