I went to sing a carol at the Ministry last night, But they said my “fa-la-la-la” wasn’t fully sung upright, They handed me a handbook, a helmet, and a bell, And shouted, “Regulation 4B: No harmonizing well Oh, it’s Christmas at the Ministry, Of Silly Carols sung off-key, Where every note’s a health hazard And joy’s a small bureaucracy, So raise your forms and stamp them twice — Merry Christmas, pay the fee! The elves were doing paperwork, the reindeer formed a queue, To fill in Form 9A because they sneezed in Santa’s stew, The angels had to register before they dared to sing, And Santa had to file a claim for “Overloaded Wing.” Oh, it’s Christmas at the Ministry, Of festive rules and tea, Your tinsel needs inspection By the Holly Property, So if you want to shout “ho-ho!” Submit it in triplicate, please The snow was deemed too slippery, The bells too loud to ring, The pudding was arrested for Suspicious brandy-ing, But still we sang our carols wrong, With pride and merry spite — ’Cause what’s more Python Christmas than A legally approved delight? Yes, it’s Christmas at the Ministry, Where nonsense reigns supreme, The season’s full of paperwork And marmalade and steam, So dance the Silly Carol Jig, And shout with comic glee — “Merry Christmas, comrades! Now sign here… and here… and here… for me!”
