*listen and rewrite vocal chops and repeats* got rid of his stuff a couple years back. most of it. kept the socket set. the ten-mil's missing. not buying a whole new set for that. she got back from her sister's after eleven, said the bus didn't show. i said right. asked what time she left. she told me, so i asked why she didn't ring. phone died, she said. "dead the whole time?" she goes, "what?" i said, "what?" then she told me to stop doing that. that thing with the questions. i wasn't shouting. i was being careful about that. said i just wanted to know. she put her keys on the bench, real slow. "stop asking like that," she said. what did you leave in? what did you leave in me? i took your number out of my phone. haven't seen you in years. what did you leave in? what did you leave in? she said i sounded like you. i told her no. i told her no. he used to do that thing at the table. not yell. just keep asking. "are you sure?" "that's really what happened?" "well, why'd you say that before?" if you repeated yourself, he didn't believe you. if you changed one word, he'd go "see?" i can still hear that little "see." not even loud. he'd just sit there waiting. i was sixteen, already working out which bits he'd pick at. sometimes it was easier to say i didn't know. even when i did. and now i'm going, "you said about nine." "you said the bus." "well, which bus?" i knew she was at her sister's. it wasn't even that. she'd said around nine. i wanted her to say she should've rung. after i'd sat there waiting up. i'd left the hall light on and everything. she didn't ask me to. i know. still. what did you leave in? what did you leave in? i'm just asking. (are you sure?) i'm just asking. (see?) what did you leave in? what did you leave in? i didn't shout. i didn't shout. i don't see what... next morning i made her a tea. don't usually do that. took it in, said "sorry about last night." she said "okay." i said "so next time, if you could just ring." she stopped stirring it. "i thought you were saying sorry." "i am. i'm saying i was out of line." she said "then can you leave it there?" yeah. right. i'd made the tea, hadn't i? i'd gone in there and said it. she said "can i just drink this?" yeah, course. got as far as the hallway. stopped there. the washing machine was going. something with a zip hitting the drum. i thought she might call me back. she didn't. i stood there. actually waited. are you sure? (see?) dead the whole time? (see?) i'm just asking. (which bus?) i'm just asking. (are you sure?) (see?) (see?) (see?) what did you leave in? what did you leave in? i said i was sorry. i made her a tea. what did you leave in? what did you leave... (are you sure?) (see?) i'm just asking. i'm just asking. i didn't shout. i didn't... what did you leave in? what did you leave in? she puts her keys on the bench now. same spot, beside the unopened mail. even when she's home early. i asked why she keeps doing that. she said "it's easier." i said "easier how?"
