[Intro – spoken, over a twangy guitar riff] Hi, y’all. I’m a follower of Buzzie Bee Teacher. Never miss a video. And I’d like to tell you about my Dammit Trump Doll experience. [Verse 1] I’m a Buzzie Bee believer in my rocker every night Watchin’ her in yellow glasses givin’ him a fright She bops him with a bat out by the backyard trees So I clicked “Buy It Now” and said, “One of those for me, please” [Verse 2] Doll Number One, I hung him for the grandkids’ piñata They whacked him into confetti ‘fore I counted “uno, dos, tres-ta” But when his belly busted open, nobody got a treat Just a pile of IOUs and a bill for the candy he’d eat [Chorus] Dammit, dammit, Trump Doll Stitched so cheap he won’t stand tall I paid good money, he came apart Couldn’t make it past the start Somebody tell the factory, please Make ’em tougher, like Buzzie Bee I’m a fan, I’m a follower, I’m BBT And I’m on Dammit Trump Number Three [Verse 3] Doll Number Two went to my stress group, the week he cut that diesel deal with Putin Earl the trucker tore his arms off, Gladys lit his hair, the whole room got to shootin’ They passed him ‘round that circle ‘til there wasn’t much to pass He came back as a pile of ash that smelled like Russian gas [Bridge – spoken] So I went to order another doll. “Backordered.” Six to eight weeks. Tariffs on the stuffing. Shortage on the yellow yarn. Customer service said the doll himself had declared the whole supply chain a total success. Well, Buzzie made her own, didn’t she? [Verse 4] So I raided the craft box, got a gym sock from Uncle Lou A bleach jug for a noggin and some orange paint too Yarn hair in a swoop that could survive a hurricane And a red tie so long it trips him at the end of every lane [Chorus] Dammit, dammit, Trump Doll Homemade now, he’s built to brawl Hot glue holdin’ him together tight He’ll take a lickin’ every night No more waitin’ on the factory, please I’m a do-it-yourself like Buzzie Bee I’m a fan, I’m a follower, I’m BBT And I’m on Dammit Trump Number Three [Verse 5] I strapped him to a Starlink and I flung him into space He orbited for six days with a pout upon his face Then splashed down in a kiddie pool and called a press affair Said he’d personally invented both the moon and outer air [Verse 6] Shot him from a trebuchet clean across the county line Mounted him on the Roomba, he called it a parade, “So fine!” Tied him to the weathervane to see which way the wind would blow He spins whichever way it goes, and swears he planned it so [Verse 7] Steeped him like a tea bag, but the tea came out too bitter Mailed him off to Greenland, and they sent him back with glitter Sat him on the Christmas tree, the angel quit and flew Took him to the recycling, they said, “Sorry, not you” [Verse 8] Entered him in the county fair, he lost to a zucchini Dressed him in a tutu and a teeny-tiny bikini Gave him to the parrot, now the parrot just says “Fake!” And the goats held a meeting and voted him off the lake [Final Chorus – bigger, key change, handclaps] Dammit, dammit, Trump Doll Bleach jug head and hot-glue soul Busted, flung, and sent to sea Even rejected by recycling Factory, I don’t need you, see I’ve got a craft box and Buzzie Bee I’m a fan, I’m a follower, I’m BBT And I’m on Dammit Trump Number Three [Outro – spoken, fading] Number Three’s holdin’ up real good. Bit lopsided. Hair’s gone sideways. He’s out there right now tellin’ the zucchini it cheated. Better buy more yarn. Lots more yarn. [Rocket whoosh] [Bat bop sound effect] [End]
