If I Were an Indian

[Dolby Atmos] [Atmosphere: Sound Explosion, A Sonic Tsunami, Blissful Vibration] [Intro] [darkness thick enough to cut with a knife + bass so deep it practically partakes in geological surveys] [kick drum with low-end rumble enough to make fish swim sideways, goa 16th-note percussion like pixies tapping a rave beat] [Verse 1] In the morning, I'm bent like a half-eaten pretzel, A peek in the bathroom turns me whiter than a ghost at a horror movie premiere! My neck's popping like popcorn on a roller coaster, Feels like my head’s made of iron too heavy for the strongest superhero! I twist and twirl like a confused ballerina, It's pulling tighter than a drum in a marching band! My back’s like, "You’re totally overdoing this!" And I’m all like, "Nah, I just wanna rewind to yesterday!" [Pre-Chorus] Then I see everyone busting a move, As laid-back as a sloth on vacation! I’m whispering to myself, feeling quite cheeky, “I wanna be that carefree too, no doubt!” [Chorus] If I were an Indian right now, My neck would be as light as a feather in a windstorm! If I were an Indian right now, I’d be shimmying like a jelly on a trampoline! If I were an Indian right now, My head wouldn't be tilted at a ridiculous angle! If I were an Indian right now, My neck would be as easy as slicing butter with a hot knife! [Verse 2] I’m glued to this chair like a statue at a museum, As if I’ve been stitched to the table! A little twist, a wrong move, And suddenly, I’m on the fast track to disaster-ville! But then you stride in, saying: "Come on, let’s go!" You drag me into a kaleidoscope of colors and lights! I try to keep my serious face like a grumpy old cat, Until I see you cracking up and it’s game over! [Pre-Chorus] Then the whole atmosphere starts to wiggle, Everyone's clapping like seals at a circus, no questions asked! My neck learns a brand-new vocabulary word, And it sounds a million times better than the word ‘pain’! [Chorus] If I were an Indian right now, My neck would be as light as a feather in a windstorm! If I were an Indian right now, I’d be shimmying like a jelly on a trampoline! If I were an Indian right now, My head wouldn't be tilted at a ridiculous angle! If I were an Indian right now, My neck would be as easy as slicing butter with a hot knife! [Bridge] Spin once, swing once, Laugh once, jump once, Today I'm letting it all hang loose, And my cramp's suddenly a dramatic explosion! But then it just plummets down, And my gaze comes back to life like it’s jumped out of bed! [Final Chorus] If I were an Indian right now, My neck would be as light as a feather in a windstorm! If I were an Indian right now, I’d be shimmying like a jelly on a trampoline! If I were an Indian right now, My head wouldn't be tilted at a ridiculous angle! If I were an Indian right now, My neck would be as easy as slicing butter with a hot knife! [Break] [guitar so epic it could be a superhero + female vocals floating like clouds in a summer sky] [Hook] Shévanah [Indian Choir] Om shanti, shanti, shanti (om shévanah) (Om shanti, shanti, shanti) om shévanah [Outro] [synth lead fades out like a magician’s rabbit disappearing, leaving only distorted kick and noise textures that sound like an alien spaceship landing] [sudden cut to silence like a dramatic plot twist!]