You Call That Camping (You're Kidding Right)

Steampunk Electro-Swing, Madness, Theatrical Chaos, Steampunk Swing, Steampunk Swing, Steampunk Swing, Steampunk Swing, Steampunk Swing, Steampunk Swing, Steampunk Swing, Steampunk Swing, Steampunk

(A deep, charismatic voice chuckles.)
That ain't campin' my friend, that's shopping

[Intro] [Swaggering jazz guitar, walking bass, mischievous horns]
 
 Out in the woods with your cappuccino foam,
 Rockin' WiFi stronger than I get at home—
 A five-star suite with a squirrel or two,
 You pitched a tent, but it’s got a front lobby view!
[Verse 1 – walking upright bass, horns hit on the jokes]
 You got a blender powered by the solar breeze,
 A king-size cot with orthopedic knees,
 You brought a drone for your Instagram flair,
 And a hot tub sittin’ in the open air!
 You got a flat screen hangin’ in your nylon shack,
 And a barkin’ robo-dog to watch your back!
[Chorus – shout section, full horns]
 🎺 You call that camping? I call it a spa!
 Where your hammock's got cupholders and a backup cha-cha!
 You got a bidet in the forest, espresso to-go,
 And a scented candle that smells like “fresh meadow .”
 Yeah it's good to unwind—but c’mon, my friend—
 You packed more gear than the Rolling Stones!
[Verse 2 – more frantic, faster swing]
 You got motion lights keepin’ raccoons at bay,
 And a margarita fountain blastin’ all day!
 You brought Alexa, a rice cooker too,
 A waffle iron shaped like a kangaroo!
 You’re roastin' s’mores with a culinary torch,
 While I’m just tryin’ to light my match on the porch.
[Bridge – halftime breakdown, jazzy]
 🎶 You got Bose surround in your canvas dome,
 And a climate-controlled porta-throne...
 Your cooler's got wheels and a backup brake,
 And your mattress vibrates like a California quake!
 🎷 (Riff + sax solo: "Caaaaamping... ooh baby... not really...")
[Verse 3 – back to punchy swing, more brass hits]
 You wear hiking boots made in Italy,
 With socks that track your calories!
 You got night-vision goggles and a butler named Chad,
 Servin' cocktails from a fanny pack—ain’t that rad?
 You’re glamping so hard, you forgot the trees,
 Too busy streaming Netflix with a side of brie!
[Chorus – double-time, call-and-response]
 🎺 You call that camping? (What?!) That ain’t the woods!
 It’s a tech convention wearin’ camo hoods!
 You got a smoothie bar and a pellet grill,
 An app for locating artisanal dill!
 Hey, I came for silence, you came for flair,
 But you’re louder than big bands at the county fair!
[Outro – New Orleans-style parade breakdown]
 🎷 Oh, you’ve got style, you’ve got flair,
 But I’ll take bug spray and open air—
 So go ahead, turn your hot tub high,
 While I toke another and watch the sky.
 You say you’re wildin’, I say you're chillin’,
 But your “tent” came with valet billin’!
🎺 Ba-da-daaa! You call that camping?!
 🎷 Not in the camping I know...

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(A deep, charismatic voice chuckles.) That ain't campin' my friend, that's shopping [Intro] [Swaggering jazz guitar, walking bass, mischievous horns] Out in the woods with your cappuccino foam, Rockin' WiFi stronger than I get at home— A five-star suite with a squirrel or two, You pitched a tent, but it’s got a front lobby view! [Verse 1 – walking upright bass, horns hit on the jokes] You got a blender powered by the solar breeze, A king-size cot with orthopedic knees, You brought a drone for your Instagram flair, And a hot tub sittin’ in the open air! You got a flat screen hangin’ in your nylon shack, And a barkin’ robo-dog to watch your back! [Chorus – shout section, full horns] 🎺 You call that camping? I call it a spa! Where your hammock's got cupholders and a backup cha-cha! You got a bidet in the forest, espresso to-go, And a scented candle that smells like “fresh meadow .” Yeah it's good to unwind—but c’mon, my friend— You packed more gear than the Rolling Stones! [Verse 2 – more frantic, faster swing] You got motion lights keepin’ raccoons at bay, And a margarita fountain blastin’ all day! You brought Alexa, a rice cooker too, A waffle iron shaped like a kangaroo! You’re roastin' s’mores with a culinary torch, While I’m just tryin’ to light my match on the porch. [Bridge – halftime breakdown, jazzy] 🎶 You got Bose surround in your canvas dome, And a climate-controlled porta-throne... Your cooler's got wheels and a backup brake, And your mattress vibrates like a California quake! 🎷 (Riff + sax solo: "Caaaaamping... ooh baby... not really...") [Verse 3 – back to punchy swing, more brass hits] You wear hiking boots made in Italy, With socks that track your calories! You got night-vision goggles and a butler named Chad, Servin' cocktails from a fanny pack—ain’t that rad? You’re glamping so hard, you forgot the trees, Too busy streaming Netflix with a side of brie! [Chorus – double-time, call-and-response] 🎺 You call that camping? (What?!) That ain’t the woods! It’s a tech convention wearin’ camo hoods! You got a smoothie bar and a pellet grill, An app for locating artisanal dill! Hey, I came for silence, you came for flair, But you’re louder than big bands at the county fair! [Outro – New Orleans-style parade breakdown] 🎷 Oh, you’ve got style, you’ve got flair, But I’ll take bug spray and open air— So go ahead, turn your hot tub high, While I toke another and watch the sky. You say you’re wildin’, I say you're chillin’, But your “tent” came with valet billin’! 🎺 Ba-da-daaa! You call that camping?! 🎷 Not in the camping I know...

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