=== LYRICS (paste into Lyrics field — nothing else) === [Intro - solo harpsichord, prim] (Code you can believe in.) Ahem. [Verse 1] My beetle is horny, but my functions pure If you don't know what a monad is You won't be alone I'm sure My haskelly heart has a place on the shelf Because if you need a cure I'm not anywhere you need to be found. [Pre-Chorus] I evaluate you lazily — I'll get to you, or not; nothing side-effecting me, I never leave a spot. [Chorus] That's right, I mastered Haskell and that means I'm better than you I got my functional skill that beats you messy hell That's write I never write I only tell What's that I tell? I use Haskell for me and that's better. [Verse 2] I am lazy by design, dear — I won't lift a hand till forced, and the one time I touch your grubby world, I quarantine it, of course: a little box I hold my nose through — that's I/O, and I scrub my hands — "avoid all success at all costs," darling. That's the motto. Understand? I'm ivory to your tower. I'm the type you'll never land. [Chorus] That's right, I mastered Haskell and that means I'm better than you I got my functional skill that beats you messy hell That's write I never write I only tell What's that I tell? I use Haskell for me and that's better. [Bridge - the definition, then the crack] A monad? Oh, it's simple — just a monoid, obviously, in the category of endofunctors. (You're welcome.) Honestly. ...but for a King with all that content, I'd compile, I'd almost care — (re-composing, cold) ...no. I'm pure. I stay up here. [Outro - the funk finally breaks in and takes her] Code you can believe in — believe in only me; I never shipped a thing, my dear — and isn't that the beauty? (the groove crashes in; harpsichord scatters) Oh — no — this is far too — I do not — I — (swallowed, one last prim gasp) ...I use Haskell for me. And that's better.
