I open my eyes as screams fade in the wind. Sweat covers my body, The sweet, sticky sweat of anguish, Dripping from a forehead, red and wrinkled, Winding past a nose, raw from its running, Stinging, bloodshot eyes that look like orbs of fire, Down bare arms and chest Bloated and heaving, a road map of veins, Like some great snake just fed— Fed upon torment and heartache, Coated in the shiny sweat of defeat. I wipe my head with hands, raw and bleeding, Broken by fervent exertion, Nails, chipped and cracked from digging, Used as a gravedigger’s spades Trying desperately to claw through earth and stone To find something of the peace of the dead. As my head slumps, Lolling lazily upon my neck like a rag doll, With eyes as dull as buttons And tongue painted to the side of my face, I feel it welling up inside me once more— The pit feeling. Trapped, tormented, locked in some nether-worldly Region of my own heart, Punished by demons of my mind, The hell feeling. The despair of the damned, Of those burning in lakes of fire, Roasting in pools of their Own excrement and decay. The hopeless, helpless, hunted feeling fills me, I am meat for the beast. That animal with a billion faces and names, That beast of earth, flesh, stone and steel. I am prey for its master. The stalker in silk, the mother of pain. I feel this swell within me, Growing on its own like a cancer, Taking over my flesh, invading each cell. I fight the creeping within me, But my tongue grows thick with pain, Saliva fills my mouth, my brow dampens, Lightning shivers electrocute my frame. I am sick, death sick and pale, And I scream... I open my eyes as screams fade in the wind. I roll over in bed, lighting a cigarette, And I wonder, How much longer will I scream?
