I bought a candy bar at the five-and-dime, Didn’t need a miracle — just needed a dime, Bit into chocolate feelin’ kinda slick, Then I hit gold… stuck to a ticket! Mama said, “Boy don’t eat that fast,” Now I’m in a factory that’s built to last, Little green fellas singin’ in rhyme, I think I just stepped into snack-time crime. Man in a top hat winked at me, Said, “Son, this tour ain’t liability-free…” I got the Golden Ticket Blues, Chocolate rivers in my shoes, Candy trees and fizzy-booze, Got the Golden Ticket Blues! Chewin’ gum that chews me back, Oompa Loompas on the attack, I ain’t never seen a place so sweet and strange, Got the Golden Ticket Blues, and my blood’s pure candy cane. Saw a girl swell up big and round, Looked like a grape rollin’ cross the ground, One kid vanished in the fudge, Another got stuck in a nut-crack grudge. There goes a boy on a chocolate wave, Surfboard snappin’ like a sugarcane slave, I just sipped soda — start to fly, Security yellin’, “Boy don’t touch the sky!” Top hat man just smiled real slow, Like he knew somethin’ I didn’t know… I got the Golden Ticket Blues, Chocolate rivers in my shoes, Candy trees and fizzy-booze, Got the Golden Ticket Blues! Chewin’ gum that chews me back, Oompa Loompas on the attack, This joint’s crazier than my Aunt Lou’s stew, Got the Golden Ticket Blues — Lord, what’s a country boy to do? If I make it out with all my toes, I’m changin’ my ways and sellin’ my clothes, No more candy bars at half-past ten, I’m eatin’ beans like a civilized man! Oomp! (clap clap) Loomp! (stomp stomp) That chocolate’s out to get me! I got the Golden Ticket Blues, Sugar rockets in my boots, If I don’t escape I’ll be fondue, Got the Golden Ticket Blues! Wonka laughed and tossed me keys, Said, “This whole place is yours if you please,” I said, “Mister, I just want something true…” Like a cheeseburger and mountain dew! I traded sweets for common sense… And I still can’t find my fence.
