A Gherkin for the Gentleman

🧐 #Tomfoolery 🎩🧐 Get your mustache properly primped. The very fancy white glove have been thrown. Will you keep a stiff upper lip… or return fire with fine proper diction? XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX Step 1: Drop Your Retort Remix, mash-up, or other craft your own civil savagery. Bring your best bars beau monde to the chap-hop scene. Go sharp and show these old chums that the water’s not too hot. XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX Step 2: Dress for the Duel Create cover art that feels like a Victorian vanity project gone wild. If your pinky is up high and your posture is perfect, you’re doing it right. XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX Step 3: Hijack the House of Lords Tag your creation with #Tomfoolery You can add this to your lyrics section: ==========☕🎩🍰========== Made for #Tomfoolery. Check the link for more details. [Placeholder link] ==========☕🎩🍰========== XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX Step 4: Mind Your Manners Comment on the original track so the gents know you’ve stepped into the lobby. XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX Step 5: Mix the Biscuits Blast your fellow duelists across the playlist banquet. They will appreciate your spittle. XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX Step 6: Echo the Etiquette Paste these rules (or the short link version) into your track description so the patrician addiction keeps multiplying. XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX And that’s it. Fix your collar and pour the tea. 🎩🧐 The tomfoolery has begun. XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX [Spoken Introduction] Ladies, gentlemen, baronesses, scoundrels, and other respected accidents— I have arrived with a gift. A gherkin for the gentleman's cocktail. A tiny violin for the lady's catastrophe. And to our distinguished host— A tip of the hat. May your tea remain hot and your enemies grammatically uncertain. [Verse 1] I entered the hall through a fog of perfume Past portraits of cousins who died far too soon The colonel was arguing loudly with cake The cake had won twice, for goodness sake A duchess declared that the moon owed her rent A bishop insisted that's not what it meant The orchestra paused for a parliamentary sneeze Then carried the motion with dignified ease [Chorus] Raise your cups high Mind your disgrace Wear your catastrophe straight on your face Here's a gherkin, sir For your terrible drink And a tiny violin, madam For your tragedy in pink We're all respectable fools tonight Marching proudly through delight Tip your hat and mind the form Welcome to the storm [Verse 2] Lord Pemberton challenged a shrub to a duel The shrub remained silent, which looked rather cruel Three poets collapsed from excessive applause The committee immediately drafted new laws A countess accused me of stealing her chair I admitted the charge but denied being there The evidence mounted in glorious heaps Yet nobody questioned the butler who weeps [Chorus] Raise your cups high Mind your disgrace Wear your catastrophe straight on your face Here's a gherkin, sir For your terrible drink And a tiny violin, madam For your tragedy in pink We're all respectable fools tonight Marching proudly through delight Tip your hat and mind the form Welcome to the storm [Bridge] Order! Order, I say! You cannot release peacocks into the conservatory simply because they improve debate! There are standards! There are procedures! There are forms to be completed! ... Though admittedly... the peacock made several excellent points. [Final Chorus] Raise your cups high Mind your disgrace Give every scandal a suitable place Here's a gherkin, sir For your chappy cocktail bright And a tiny violin, madam For your suffering tonight To the host who lit the fuse Of civilized and splendid ruse A proper bow, a polished grin May the Tomfoolery begin.