Lost it all once again, now what, I've let you down and broke my word sorry babe I have no control this is fucking nothing short of absurd, I must have a demon living deep down inside of me, it has turned me into My own worst enemy. Self sabotage has become my job, and I've climbed straight to the top...Yeah no one else is better than me at fucking me off and it weighs on me heavily because I know you suffer for my stupidity right along beside me. I know that you love me but I can't help but think you would be better off without me, I know you are starting to doubt me, I never do the things I say I will, I just gamble away my promises, can't even blame it on the cards I've been dealt, I disregard all my responsibilities, this has to be some sort of a fucking disease, I swear to you I do not do this willingly...I am crushed spiritually, the embarrassment is all but killing me, and I'm unable to fix this shit because the only way I know how to do that is the exact same thing that has buried me. under here, underneath all this frustration and shame, I am losing it, going insane, feeling anxious, annoyed, angry, just fucking mad at myself, pissed off that luck couldn't just be on my fucking side, I want to just take a walk untill I'm good and lost and broken down with mental and physical exhaust, I want to physically feel the pain of every penny I've lost and I swear it is crazy how bad I need and pray and beg for just one more chance to get myself out of this mess, I don't need the problem fixed I just need 10 bucks and that's it.. so fuck you...you have no idea how bad I need it too... Just give me the fucking 10 bucks and wish me good luck, I'm desperate, I'm an addict, there is no pill to take, there is no support, there is nothing, not even my own understanding of this thing that is called gambling...but I am sure of one thing...I have to accept that I will never win, I have to just take the loss, cut it off, admit that I got taken and that I am a loser. Then I have to leave it all right here, on the table next to my understanding, next to my recklessness, next to my regret and next to this part of me that is now dead, this has changed me more than anything else ever has, just let me get 10 bucks and ill make everything right again...you have no idea how far gone i am my friend, please just 1 more chance...fuck I don't know why...it's because I'm dead in the water, don't let me die, no I won't put that on you, you have never walked in my shoes, if you only knew what 10 bucks could possibly do...fuck I've lost my damn mind too, come on man just let me get 10 bucks, that's all I need from you, if you only knew what 10 bucks could possibly do...yeah fuck it and fuck you too...if you only knew the nerve it took to ask you, just give me the fucking 10 bucks, and wish me good luck , yeah give me 10 bucks, man fuck you, you have no idea what 10 bucks could possibly do, I need 10 bucks!, yeah come on now, just give me 10 bucks and wish me good luck, I need 10 bucks
