**[UPBEAT CORPORATE JINGLE PLAYS]** 🎵 *Bug! Grub! Bug! Grub!* *The future's in your mouth!* 🎵 **ANNOUNCER (far too enthusiastic):** Hungry, citizen? Too poor for beef? Too tired to cook? Too legally alive to stop needing calories? Then come on down to **BUGGRUB BURGER™!** The number one insect-protein restaurant in the district! **[CROWD CHEERS WEAKLY]** **ANNOUNCER:** Choose from our famous: The **Roach Classic™!** The **Hopper Deluxe™!** Or the fan favorite: The **Colony Melt™!** Made with real cockroaches, real locusts, and real ants! Because if nature intended bugs to stay outside, why are there so many of them? **[CASH REGISTER SOUND]** **ANNOUNCER:** Upgrade your meal with fresh lettuce and tomato! Only three times the price of the burger! Because luxury should hurt a little. **[CUSTOMER TESTIMONIAL]** **CUSTOMER #1:** I couldn't afford vegetables this month, but I got two extra packets of sauce! **ANNOUNCER:** That's the Buggrub way! And don't forget our famous dehydrated beverages! Simply purchase water separately and experience hydration on your own terms! **[SYNTHETIC APPLAUSE]** **ANNOUNCER:** Still not convinced? Try our world-famous fries! Scientists, competitors, and government inspectors all agree: They're surprisingly good. We honestly don't know why. **[DRAMATIC PAUSE]** **ANNOUNCER (whispering):** Seriously. They're the best thing on the menu. **[JINGLE RETURNS]** 🎵 *Bug! Grub! Bug! Grub!* *Protein for the masses!* *The burger may be questionable,* *But everybody loves the fries!* 🎵 **FAST LEGAL VOICE:** Buggrub Burger is not responsible for disappointment, digestive regret, emotional distress, insect-related flashbacks, bun elasticity incidents, vegetable pricing shock, or existential awareness regarding your socioeconomic position. Water sold separately. Fries not guaranteed to remain excellent. Terms and conditions apply. **ANNOUNCER:** **BUGGRUB BURGER™!** **"At least you're not eating the nutrient paste."**
