E Rap Packet email to joinpdx April Eighth twenty twenty two six forty eight A M GH, Your response is appreciated. I have been recently scolded about not "experiencing the city" enough, being scared, and questioned about staying here. I have every intention of staying. Besides loving Portland, I see myself as a philosophical refugee and I feel I am protected here in ways I wouldn't be anywhere else in America. I do not want to leave or go anywhere else, and I couldn't even if I did. There are also plenty of people who might not be mobile enough to experience everything the city has to offer and they deserve to live just as much as anyone else. I want to be able to go outside again. I just don't know what to do now that I've been isolated for two years - on top of feeling more vulnerable to begin with. I can't go back to 2020 and make different choices - and I don't know that I would because of my own personal experiences. Most people might be fine, but I didn't/don't want to be an exception to that. It's also only on me to make that choice - if I end up in the hospital or worse, I will be there alone and no one else will be there with me. I had some kind of sickness - don't know if it was COVID or a sinus infection or what - for over two weeks months ago just from going downstairs for a grocery delivery. I was sick again recently, though I was pretty sure that was from someone burning something outside. I still seem to have lingering issues from that incident. I have considered taking baby steps. Maybe just go downstairs for a second and work my way up to going for a walk... But then I remember things like really bad experiences with neighbors or the one day that someone - a total stranger - came inside and pushed me into a wall, yelling in my face. People screaming outside and obnoxious noise that never happened here before: ripping engines, banging on things, people screaming hate crime level things. It's stuff like that that runs through my head. I know things are amplified because I'm in a small room all the time, too. There's no relief from it. It's hard to focus. I try not to dwell on the shootings that have happened just around the building - have a tough mentality about it - but it's hard. I don't want to numb out so much that I don't feel anything anymore - like empathy - or can't register what's going on around me. There's just been a lot of concerning things that I don't honestly know how to deal with. I'm trying my best. As for work, I have a degree in writing. I know not everyone ends up working in their field - it's a common problem - but I consider myself invested in my work. It's not just a wild idea - I've been working towards this pretty much my whole life. I am saying that because most of the work I've done has been in public exposure positions that I don't feel comfortable doing again. I've had horrible experiences and the virus on top of it. I feel I need to find remote work for a sense of self-preservation. Most people would never even apply to do jobs I've done so I don't know why I would have to do them again when I'm under so much duress. I have put in the work. I am willing to work. I just need a genuine, reliable, remote position. I think transcription is my best bet - at least until I can finish my manuscript(s) - though trying to write for a living is its own risk. As for the e rap two: I've reached out to management about the rent increase issue and hopefully they'll write back. I explained that you said JOIN probably can't change the funding at a later date as they suggested. Have they responded to you? Thank you again, L.
