The Escalator Quit to Become a

The Escalator Quit to Become a Mermaid [Intro | Spoken] (Yeah…) (Hold up…) (Turn the ceiling down a little.) (Who let the toaster in here?) (Still SHINE…) (LET’S GET WEIRD!) ⸻ [Verse 1] Walked in backwards, Tuesday wore a cape. (SUPER TUESDAY!) Zebra sold insurance to a roll of duct tape. (FULL COVERAGE!) Escalator quit, said, “I’m chasing my dreams.” (GO GET ’EM!) Now she’s splashin’ in the ocean with a catfish swim team. (SPLASH!) My backpack called in sick, my shoelace got promoted. (BIG BOSS!) Mailbox bought a spaceship, then immediately got it towed. (FREE MY MAILBOX!) A cactus opened yoga class for jellybeans and glue. (STRETCH!) Everybody signed up… except the kangaroo. (HE WAS BUSY!) ⸻ [Pre-Chorus] The flashlight needed sunglasses. (TOO BRIGHT!) The moon forgot its name. (WHO ARE YOU?!) A goldfish started roofing houses. (OSHA APPROVED!) Nothing here’s the same. (NOT A THING!) Everybody understand? … Good… ‘Cause Barbara the Ceiling Fan don’t either. (SHE JUST SPINNIN’!) ⸻ [Chorus] 🎶 The escalator quit to become a mermaid. (FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!) Swimming with a shark that was terribly afraid. (HE SHY!) The dolphins wear suspenders. (LOOKIN’ SHARP!) The octopus wears boots. (EIGHT OF ’EM!) The ocean opened Starbucks. (DOUBLE ESPRESSO!) For professionally dressed newts. (VERY PROFESSIONAL!) The escalator quit to become a mermaid. (SHE GONE!) Nobody questioned it… they just held a parade. (THROW CONFETTI!) If it starts making sense… (UH-OH!) We’re doing something wrong! (MAKE IT WEIRDER!) Grab your scuba cowboy hat… (YEE-HAW, BUBBLES!) And everybody sing along! (LET’S GO!) ⸻ [Verse 2] Gary the Traffic Cone got hired by the zoo. (CLOCKED IN!) Teaching penguins how to parallel park a canoe. (BACK IT UP!) Kevin sent a postcard… (HE ALIVE!) No return address. (CLASSIFIED!) It just said, “Keep the milk cold…” (SOLID ADVICE!) Signed… “Mind your business.” (DON’T ASK QUESTIONS!) Peanut Butter hit a brand-new personal best. (NEW PR!) Bench-pressed three Thursdays with a waffle on his chest. (LIGHT WORK!) The Mailbox beat the court case… (FREE HIM!) For at least an hour… (ENJOY IT!) Then got arrested for excessive possession of sunflower power. (BOOK ’EM!) ⸻ [Bridge] The future belongs to dreamers… (FACTS!) …unless the stapler adopts a pelican. (WAIT… WHAT?!) The mountain climbed the hiker. (LEG DAY!) The echo answered first. (FIRST COMMENT!) A bicycle became allergic to sidewalks. (ACHOO!) Honestly… It happens. (EVERY TUESDAY!) ⸻ [Final Chorus] 🎶 The escalator quit to become a mermaid. (SHE LIVIN’ HER BEST LIFE!) Now she’s got seashell earrings that she ordered yesterday. (EXPEDITED SHIPPING!) The jellyfish are lawyers. (OBJECTION!) The seahorse drives a train. (ALL ABOARD!) The rainbow filed taxes. (DEPENDENTS INCLUDED!) On a bucket full of rain. (AUDITED!) The escalator quit to become a mermaid. (ICONIC!) Everybody clapped while the blender caught a wave. (COWABUNGA!) If it starts making sense… (STOP RIGHT THERE!) Turn the weirdness up instead! (MAX VOLUME!) Reality took Tuesday off… (PTO APPROVED!) …and Wednesday called in bread. (WHO HIRED WEDNESDAY?!) ⸻ [Outro | Spoken] “Has anybody seen Kevin?” … “I can’t discuss Kevin.” (OUT OF RESPECT FOR KEVIN!) 📬 FREE MY MAILBOX! (HE AIN’T DO NOTHIN’!) 🥜 PEANUT BUTTER DON’T MISS! 🐧 CARL SAID IT’S LEGAL! 🧜 LONG LIVE THE MERMAID ESCALATOR! 🎤 (Mic drop… into a bowl of mashed potatoes.)