Shut up and drink, you lot! (Let the insults fly!)

[Intro] [Fast, frantic fiddle solo] [Sound of glasses clinking and boots stomping] [Group Shout] "Shut up and drink, you lot!" [Verse 1: The Law vs. The Lawless] [Male Vocal A - Stiff and noble] My armor’s polished, my soul is pure I lead this quest, of that I’m sure! But I can’t pray or find my grace With a cutpurse thief in a hooded face! [Male Vocal B - Sneaky and sharp] Oh, stow the sermon, you tin-can knight I’m the only reason we survived the night! While you were busy quoting “Holy Writ” I had my hand in the dragon’s pit! [Chorus: Crowd Sing-Along] [Huge, anthemic wall of sound] So raise your mugs and let the insults fly! Call the Cleric a coward and the Ranger a lie! We’re a mess, we’re a riot, we’re a curse on the land But we’re the only ones holding the gold in our hand! So swear by the gods or the mud on your shoe I won’t draw my dagger—if you don’t either, too! [Verse 2: Nature vs. The City] [Female Vocal A - Earthy and gruff] You smell of perfume and expensive wine I’d rather sleep with a mountain pine! Your "music" scares the wolves away You haven't tracked a deer in a month and a day! [Male Vocal C - Flamboyant and fast] My dear, your "nature" is a muddy bore I’ve got the crowd screaming out for more! You talk to bushes, I talk to kings You’ve got ticks, and I’ve got rings! [Verse 3: The Arcane Argument] [Female Vocal B - Sultry and arrogant] I was born with the fire, it flows in my veins I don't need a book to break these chains! [Male Vocal D - Nasal and condescending] A "Sorceress"? Ha! You’re a lucky spark! Without my scrolls, you’d be lost in the dark! I’ve studied the ley lines, the math, and the lore While you just wiggle fingers and hope for a roar! [Bridge: The Barbarian & The Bard] [Music drops to a heavy, rhythmic drum beat and bass] [Low, gravelly voice] "Stupid Knight has too many rules... Stupid Bard has too many stools..." [Fast Accordion kicks back in] "But if the Wizard dies, who pays the tab? And if the Thief is gone, who’s there to grab?" "I hate your face!" "I hate your flute!" "But I love the way we share the loot!" [Chorus: Crowd Sing-Along] So raise your mugs and let the insults fly! Call the Cleric a coward and the Ranger a lie! We’re a mess, we’re a riot, we’re a curse on the land But we’re the only ones holding the gold in our hand! So swear by the gods or the mud on your shoe I won’t draw my dagger—if you don’t either, too! [Verse 4: Bard vs. Bard] [Two voices overlapping, trying to out-sing each other] "My lute is gold!" / "Your voice is flat!" "I bedded a Duchess!" / "I doubt even that!" "My ballads are legends!" / "Your rhymes are all cheap!" "I’m the reason the barmaids don't get any sleep!" [Both together, shouting] "YOU’RE UGLY!" [Verse 5: The Climax] [Music reaches peak speed - frantic] The Paladin’s screaming, the Warlock is cursed The Druid’s a bear and he’s doing his worst! The Warrior’s laughing at the Knight’s broken code We’re the worst damn party on the King’s High Road! But the Orcs are coming, and the night is young And the best of our insults are yet to be flung! [Final Chorus: Crowd Sing-Along] [Max Volume - Total Tavern Chaos] So raise your mugs and let the insults fly! Call the Cleric a coward and the Ranger a lie! We’re a mess, we’re a riot, we’re a curse on the land But we’re the only ones holding the gold in our hand! So swear by the gods or the mud on your shoe I won’t draw my dagger... I won't cast my fireball... I won't swing my broadsword... If you don’t either, too! [Outro] [Fastest Fiddle Outro] [Sound of a chair breaking] [Final Group Shout] "ANOTHER ROUND!" [Big Finish - Cymbal Crash]